NSW Family Law - Do I Have to Obey My Ex?

[Vinnie]

In the interim order, I have one weekend and my ex has one weekend for every fortnight. Now, my ex has booked dancing classes for the child on the weekend and asked me to take the child to the class on my time with the child.

Before the interim order, I also booked swimming classes for the child on the weekend but now I have to cancel the swimming class as my ex does not want to take the child to the class.

1st question: do I have to obey her under Family Law?

2nd question: my ex also booked the swimming class on the week day as my ex has the care of the child on weekdays. Can I book the dancing class on the weekday so we don't have any conflict on the weekend?

I think my ex does not accept it as she forced me to take the child to the dancing class on the weekend.

Note that I requested her that I pick up the child during the weekday from school as my ex does not accept it.

 

[sammy01]

Do you have to take the kid to the class? Nope.

But you should. Why? Well, do whatever the ex wants - be nice, play along. That way when you go back to court, you can tell the magistrate that you and the ex don't have any conflict and you can both get along as far as parenting goes. That will help you get more time with the kid and that must be your main objective? True?

Then once the dust settles and you have final orders, then you can decide whether or not to do dance or swimming.

Pick your fights and this is not a fight worth having.

 

[Clancy]

I do not get along with my ex and I do not want to. Nor do I want to 'pretend' to get along with her to impress a judge. Everything I do is about what is in the best interest of the child, so if going to the class is in the best interest of the child, then who gives a damn if the ex thinks she is commanding you about, she is not relevant, just do it!

I am prepared to stand tall before a judge and say I am not interested in getting along with my ex, but that everything I do is in the best interest of my child. If that is not enough for the judge, and I get less custody, well that's a shame, but I really believe it is necessary to keep separate from my ex in order to have a meaningful relationship with my daughter.

 

[Tim W]

You are not "pretending" anything - you are collecting evidence
that you are capable of acting like a mature and responsible adult
who has enough brains and balance to care for a child.

 

[AllForHer]

Agree with @Tim W.

What's best for a child is for their parents to put their differences aside and get along. It's pretty simple. It's also astounding how few parents seem capable of doing this.

 

[Clancy]

Agree with @Tim W.

What's best for a child is for their parents to put their differences aside and get along. It's pretty simple. It's also astounding how few parents seem capable of doing this.

Indeed! For me there was a period where things were good, but here and there my ex changes her mind about stuff, and our daughter suffers because she was looking forward to seeing me and then it doesn't happen because my ex changed her mind and basically there is no consistency which children need.

We managed to go through mediation and had a custody plan worked out and agreed, it lasted two weeks before my ex changed her mind and cancelled it. The mediator said to me there is nothing more they can do, here is the letter for going to court.

So the reason I am not interested in co-operating with my ex is because I cannot rely on anything she says and it's too damaging for our daughter. I want a judge to lay down whats happening with custody, so its legally binding and no more mind changing going on and our daughter has the consistency she needs.

 

[AllForHer]

Yes...

...but to get the judge to "lay down" parenting orders, it has to determine what's in the best interests of the child.

If you're a parent who refuses to attempt to co-parent and just blindly accept that you and the ex can't get along, the Court is going to have a lot of difficulty agreeing that you're capable of acting in the child's best interests.

 

[sammy01]

Clancy - I know I know - trust me I know. But a magistrate ain't gonna fix it. Even with court orders my ex still manages to do dumb stuff. She 'forgets' what day it is, so I drive 4 hours to pick kids up only to find out she forgot that it was Saturday.. OOPS...

So I've learned I have to be civil and 'co-operative' and not expect a pay back day for the oops moment. It ain't worth the fight and it ain't worth the legal costs of seeking redress for every piece of stupidity... and it definitely aint worth the stress.

But until you get court orders playing nice is a good idea. It is a good idea after you get court orders too. That way you're being a good role model...

 

[Clancy]

Agree, but I am not after much. I just have some very basic things I want to achieve.

1) I want to be able to get at least one overnight stay per week.
2) I want to be able to occasionally take my daughter away for a weekend camping or something like that.

I remember how much I loved going camping with my dad when I was young. I want to give that experience to my daughter.

These basic things my ex refuses to allow and will never allow unless she is forced to do so. My preferred choice of parenting is what they call 'parallel parenting'. It's not the best possible option if both parents were reasonable, but it is where they are not.

 

[AllForHer]

We have 50/50. We strictly parallel parent. It works better than any attempt we ever made previously to co-parent.

However, we still tried to co-parent while we were in court because we knew that was the best possible outcome. The other parent refused to co-parent with us. We looked great. The other parent didn't. Here we are.

So play ball.