Family consultants - can you show them a document that isn't already officially submitted to court?

[GlassHalfFull]

Hi all,

Quite a specific question... When you have an appointment with a family consultant, can you bring any documents (photos, text message logs, etc) that haven't as yet been submitted to your case in court? My understanding is that for any evidence or document to be considered by the court, it must be submitted and distributed to all parties, but does that apply to the family consultant too?

I understand that anything discussed with the family consultant is not confidential but that isn't really my issue. My issue is that there are a lot of things about my ex and her claims about me that can be demonstrated/refuted by text messages and they pertain fairly directly to the reason why we are attending the family consultant in the first place, but I'd like to know how to approach this. If I just verbally explained them, I'm sure there'd be no issue at all, but it would hold more weight if I could just hand over dozens of pages of text messages, highlight the bits I think are relevant and say "read as much or as little as you want, but I've highlighted the parts I think are most important".

Any thoughts?

 

[Keeks]

Hi there - in our case, we were able to submit relevant documentation to our Family Report writer (privately paid for, not through the court), seven days before our appointment, on the understanding that anything submitted would be shared with the other party. The other party submitted a school report and a health report for one of the children which had not previously been tabled/shared throughout the legal process, but it was largely irrelevant in the end.
Like you, we had some fairly damning texts/emails that didn't paint the other party in a great light, but in the end, the family report isn't about that so much (there are plenty of threads here with posts that give good insight into how you should approach the report - it's about showing how the child will benefit from whatever orders you're seeking, not to prove the other party saves up the very worst of their personality just for you).
We didn't go to trial but I imagine that's where this sort of evidence would be tabled and tested in your final affidavit? Other punters may have more experience at the curly end of the process. Good luck

 

[Jake Matherson]

As Keeks said, If you have an ICL they will most likely do this. The court file and all relevant reading material will be sent to the report writer for them to peruse.

If it was important it would already be in your affidavit's and annexes which would be passed on to the report writer.

Rocking up to your family report with a ream of paper showing how bad the other parent is and telling the report writer to read as much as they like is a BAD idea.
You're going to be seen as the bad guy that is unable to co-parent.

The report writers are smart, they have seen it all before. They want to see that you are able to parent effectively. Attend the report, be polite, keep your emotions in check they will try and push buttons. Talk honestly but respectfully about the ex.

The recommendations that the report writer make will be EXTREMLEY important. You want them on your side. Going full attack mode will not work.

Do a search on here and find other posts about family reports.

 

[GlassHalfFull]

Yeah I should have mentioned that this is not my first family consultant - this is for a further report 12 months later. I do understand that I need to primarily paint myself in the best possible light and I think I did do that in the last one. My ex didn't make herself look particularly good, but in the end it didn't seem to matter. Her attitude was pointed out in the report but it didn't seem to have any effect on the recommendations made.

Basically, this further report is primarily because my ex is not willing to agree to me having overnight time with my children. She has come up with a list of lies and twisting of truth to justify her position. I can explain to the family consultant that they are lies, but for many of them it will come down to 'he said she said' and although the family consultant might believe me, the text messages will actually demonstrate more conclusively that they are lies.

The other problem is that my ex WON'T parent effectively with me. Won't openly communicate with me, isn't interested in co-parenting, has at every stage tried to exclude me from involvement (eg in parent-teacher interviews, hospital appointments etc), will give me the absolute bare minimum information about the children to satisfy the court orders, but has effectively shown over time that she has zero respect for me as a parent of our children. Again, the text messages will demonstrate that I have tried and she has stonewalled my attempts. So although I take your point that it may not look good to try to prove the other parent is the 'bad guy', I honestly believe that is actually the case here. I suppose the question is still whether I can adequately demonstrate that by simply talking to the family consultant about it, and I suppose I probably can. Like you said, they've seen it all, and I previously got the impression that the consultant had a pretty firm grasp of what had happened between us and what was going on.

The previous report seemed to already be clear about it, but summarised that the problem was OUR inability to communicate effectively, whereas I think the truth is that her bitterness and hatred towards me was the reason why she refused to engage with me or give me any respect. I do understand that the family consultant is focused on the outcomes for the children though, and regardless of who is the reason for the conflict. And that seems to be a common thread through my (and many others) family law adventures. You might be the good guy trying to do whats best, but ultimately if your ex stonewalls you, the system is often going to maintain the status quo (her keeping the majority of time with the children) because "conflict levels are too high" to allow for changes to arrangements. Nevermind that she is the source of the conflict and you're trying your best to co-parent...

 

[GlassHalfFull]

If it was important it would already be in your affidavit's and annexes which would be passed on to the report writer.

One final thing, I guess it depends on your definition of important. But no, in this case, there's been no opportunity to put any of our text messages into an affidavit or annexes. This further family report was agreed to by consent, not court orders. In fact, it was by consent so that we wouldn't have to have yet another court hearing which slow down getting the report and would inevitably result in orders for the family report anyway. As it's been about 8 months since the last hearing, a lot of text messages have been exchanged without any ability to submit an affidavit or annexes for them. My understanding is those submissions only happens in advance of a hearing and we haven't got one.

But as for whether they're important, probably not. There are very few 'smoking guns' in the text messages that I could easily quote and that would prove anything of importance, but the overall tone of the messages and demonstration of a long term stonewalling of me as a parent would be apparent if someone were to read 6+ months of messages. The problem is, nobody is going to read it all.

 

[Jake Matherson]

2 Family Reports(same report writer) and 1 Psychiatric assessment for our matter so far.

The first Family Report was done and mostly in favour of keeping up the current routine and no substantial increase in time with the child for me as i would have hoped.

Fast forward to the second report being order due to a whole bunch of serious reasons and the second report was 100% in my favour.

Just my opinion based on my own matter/experience/circumstances, but if you're being sent back to do an updated report because the other party has failed to work with you and you have genuinely made an effort to make it work and the ex is just being a twit. I would think that the report writer will pick up on this and make recommendations accordingly.

 

[GlassHalfFull]

I'm hoping the second family report will be firmly in my favour too. I did get a fairly big increase in time after the first hearing (but from an extremely limited starting point) but the report recommended delaying overnight time due to the ages of my children. The first report essentially suggested overnight time should be introduced in 2020 (with a further report if necessary) but as my ex is still coming up with excuses as to why not, we're going back to the consultant to get the report to make it official.

I agree with you, likelihood the report writer will get a good sense of it and provide recommendations along the lines that I'm asking for. Sometimes I just wish there were greater penalties for being a twit. So far, it seems like my ex will continue to get away with it (at the expense of my relationship with the children) indefinitely. But hey, time will tell. Thanks for your advice. I guess I'll hold off on providing reams of text messages if there's a chance it'll look vindictive...