VIC Examples of gradually increasing time to shared care

[Corinne]

Hi,

Would it be unrealistic to include a provision in proposed parenting orders that sets out a care arrangement over a few years? In an attempt to reduce any disruption that might be caused.

Currently my partner has 2 nights a fortnight (every second weekend), 10 days/10nights of end of term school holidays and half Christmas holidays with his 7 year old son.

I've posted here a fair bit about the background so I won't go into too much detail but basically we'll be looking to update consent orders via rice and asplund upon moving closer to the child's new school.

The mother is likely to agree to an immediate increase to 4 nights a fortnight. So Thursday afternoon - Monday morning, but we'd like to aim for 50/50 by highschool.

Has anyone else had any experience in achieving a gradual increase like this previously? Or would it make more sense to include a clause where the orders are reviewed at a certain point in time?

Thanks.

 

[sammy01]

Yep I have...
Look I cant find examples off the top of my had. But courts don't like predicting the future too much...
My advice.
Move - see if you can get 4 a fortnight by consent. See how that goes.
My thinking is you should be looking at 50/50 before high school.
So I'd be suggesting you look for an incremental increase to 50 50 staggered over 2yrs. Start with 4 and increase a night every 6 months. But accept anything above 4 is not too bad...

I have to tell ya - I've sat on both sides of the fence. I wanted 50/50 but got 5 a fortnight. Fri-Monday and a mid-week on Wednesday. Looking back. It was chaos for the kids, especially with an ex who is not the most organised.. Go for 4 then 5 Thursday through to tuesday morning... Anything more GREAT - But ask yourself how hard do you want to push for 50/50? 5 a fortnight is pretty ok...

Forget the review at a certain point in time... It invites the ex to say it isn't working... Look my consent orders said mediation after 2 yrs. My thinking was by then she'd be agreeable to more time. BUT NOPE - she used mediation to tear me apart and argue that I need less time....

 

[Corinne]

Thanks Sammy, I appreciate your insight.

No we don't want to push too hard. Would probably ask for the 7 nights and settle with 5 and half school holidays.
We thought that upon reaching teenage years he might want more time with dad but that can hopefully be settled outside of court.

 

[sammy01]

So once he is 12-13 get back to us... There is no rule that states that the courts let a 12-13 yr old make their own decisions... But it could go the other way too... Rather have one home and visit dad.... (i Know I know - as the primary carer, that fact scares the crap out of me)
But at 12-13 if the kid expresses he wants more time - look at mediation then..

 

[AllForHer]

It's not unrealistic. It's quite common, actually.

We've had experience with this. My stepdaughter was 4.5 years of age when consent orders were reached with incremental increases in her time with dad every six months, moving from three nights a fortnight to seven. Equal care started when she turned six.

Having the incremental increases in time clearly started in the orders was necessary, I think, and an order to review would have been totally redundant in our case - other than the actual consent orders, my husband and his ex-wife had a nil track record of agreeing to changes in their daughter's care arrangements, so it would have just been an opportunity for one to complain about the other without actually making any changes. Thankfully, things have improved a lot since then, and they hardly follow the orders at all anymore.

My personal observation of how those incremental increases in time actually worked in practice is that I don't think they had the intended effect of 'getting the child used to spending more time with dad'. The long summer holidays were equal care, so the last 12 months of incremental increases went something like this:

• five nights for five months
• seven nights for two months
• six nights for five months
• seven nights indefinitely.

Why go back to six nights after two months of being equal care? Why not just maintain equal care after that school holiday period, since we're only talking about one night of difference anyway? Wouldn't she have just gotten used to equal care, only to go back to six nights again, then back to seven a few months later?

The chop-and-change seemed out of place when mum's argument was routine, but in the greater scheme of things, I'd take consent orders for chop-and-change to the child's routine for a few months over going to trial any day of the week.