QLD Ex Wants to Change Consent Orders?

[MiaFord18]

Hi guys,

To make this as short as possible, I have 3 children with my ex. Soon after separating, we decided upon custody arrangements and I had a lawyer write them up & file them. In them there is a notation that we would review once youngest child reached a certain age. Now this has no legal binding we must change the arrangement standing. However, he is now threatening to take me to mediation / family court as he dead set wants 50/50. Currently 79/21% in favour of me.

The current consent orders have been in place for over 3 years. Whilst he is not an awful parent I have legitimate reasons for thinking our current arrangement is what is in the best interest of the children. Most recently he has been discussing child support as well as custody arrangements with the children as well as speaking negatively of myself either in front of them or directly to them.

My youngest on numerous occasions has been in the wrong restraints despite constant reminding him of the legal requirements around this. He tells the kids he is going to call and doesn’t. Has told them he will get rid of their toys for telling me things that happens at his house. My youngest has had some behavioural issues and has required lots of appointments to lots of different medical personal and he has not been involved at all despite lots of invitations and trying to get him included.

He has very recently moved in with a new partner, the relationship is still in the early stages (within a year) and prior to this had unsuitable sleeping arrangements for the kids. I know it’s hard to gauge but is a judge likely to give him 50/50 based on that’s what he thinks is fair. All I have listed is the most recent I have previous things I would like to “use” but not sure how much past stuff they look at. He is a suitable parent for the time he has them but his communication with me is getting poorer and poorer as time goes on & I can’t see how a 50/50 arrangement would work with such poor communication between us?!

I’m not even notified when the children are sick, his job doesn’t allow him to take days off for this either which means they get shuffled around. My work is very accommodating, understanding i’m a mum first. Any advice, tips, inspiration? I have no intentions or preventing or affecting the relationship he has with his children but feel the time he has is adequate and a change will have a negative effect.

 

[sammy01]

Clearly the intention of the notation was to acknowledge that the kids were youg 3 yrs ago and as such 21% was reasonable. How old is the youngest BTW? So the intention was for the time to increase as they got older. Well at least that is what dad seems to have thought? Courts are not gonna agree to 50/50 with young kids. But by the age of 5-6... Well close to 50/50 is reasonable.

If he wanted to re-apply to court, he would have some obstacles. But he could get over them... Do you think he is that motivated?

So you have some complaints.. Youngest kid in the wrong restraints. Bad parenting, sure. Criminal? nope - against the road rules yep... I drive a ute... Sometimes I let the kids in the tray while I drive at about 20km on dirt roads. Again, not criminal, yep against the road rules. But no harm done... Dad not attending medical stuff...

Hmmm maybe just trying to avoid you... Sorry to be blunt.

"He is a suitable parent for the time he has them". Your opinion and your opinion of him is tarnished. Don't worry mine too, my ex is a twit - waste of space. Worse than cancer. Funny that, because when we were married I thought that person was awesome. That person is the same person, so is that person a twit? or awesome? Well it is all opinion isn't it... and nothing you've said is ground for a court to worry. Sure you've got a few other stuff up your sleeve to 'use' as you said. But unless it is a doc's report, convictions for drugs or child porn then it isn't all that useful.

Not notified if the kids are sick? Big deal... If it is hospital time - then contacting the other parent is a good idea. More than a few stitches. Definitely...Tell me do you notify dad every time the kids cough? Tell him they're getting their hair cut?

My opinion. Offer him something that equates to 34.9% care... See you won't lose so much child support or family tax benefit. 35% is the cut off. Why is this a good idea? Well do you have a bucket of cash to spend on court? Didn't thinks so... So offer 34.9% it is basically another night a week...

You have not told us the age of the kids... I'm gonna assume 5,7,10. (for arguments sake)... If he applied to court, he would see an increase in time. 50/50 Nope, but more time (unless he has some history).

The kids are older - Yep 3 yrs of stability... Cotton wool? Big deal stability. Resilience is better and that comes from life experience. So long as dad's house isn't an ice den. Maybe you just ought to at least consider it... Better than court.

 

[MiaFord18]

Clearly the intention of the notation was to acknowledge that the kids were youg 3 yrs ago and as such 21% was reasonable... How old is the youngest BTW... So the intention was for the time to increase as they got older, well at least that is what dad seems to have thought? Courts are not gonna agree to 50/50 with young kids. But by the age of 5-6... Well close to 50/50 is reasonable.

If he wanted to re-apply to court he would have some obstacles. But he could get over them... Do you think he is that motivated?

So you have some complaints.. Youngest kid in the wrong restraints. Bad parenting, sure. Criminal? nope - against the road rules YEP.... I drive a ute... Sometimes I let the kids in the tray while I drive at about 20km on dirt roads. Again, not criminal, yep against the road rules. But no harm done... Dad not attending medical stuff... Hmmm maybe just trying to avoid you... Sorry to be blunt.
"he is a suitable parent for the time he has them" YOUR opinion and your opinion of him is tarnished... Don't worry mine too, my ex is a twit - waste of space. Worse than cancer. Funny that, because when we were married I thought that person was awesome.... That person is the same person, so is that person a twit? or awesome? Well it is all opinion isn't it... and nothing you've said is ground for a court to worry. Sure you've got a few other stuff up your sleeve to 'use' as you said... But unless it is a doc's report, convictions for drugs or child porn then it isn't all that useful.

Not notified if the kids are sick? big deal... If it is hospital time - then contacting the other parent is a good idea. More than a few stitiches Definately...Tell me do you notify dad everytime the kids cough? Tell him they're getting their hair cut?

My advice. offer him something that equates to 34.9% care... See you won't lose so much child support or family tax beneift. 35% is the cut off. Why is this a good idea? Well do you have a bucket of cash to spend on court? didn't thinks so... So offer 34.9% it is basically another night a week....

You have not told us the age of the kids... I'm gonna assume 5,7,10. (for arguments sake)... If he applied to court, he would see an increase in time. 50/50 Nope. but more time (unless he has some history).

The kids are older - Yep 3 yrs of stability... Cotton wool? Big deal stability. Reslience is better and that comes from life experience. So long as dad's house isn't an ice den. Maybe you just ought to at least consider it... Better than court.

The reasoning behind the notation was simply to appease him at the time and as he was moving back to his parents more time wasn’t suitable. For 3 years the children have shared 1 small bedroom with him, 1 of them sleeping with him. The older they get the more that seems inappropriate to me .
CS/Centrelink is not at all my motivation and really could care less about it. I work full time.

My issue is not really with him having more time eventually but as it stands he has not demonstrated an ability to provide stability for them (my daughter struggles out of routine, so much so but we’ve got in excess of 4 school suspensions in 6 months), so at the moment I don’t see it as in their best interest. Also it is not him that will ultimately be gaining more custody it is all those around him, partner/mum etc why?! When I can/have always been primary caregiver palm that responsibility to any one other than the other parent?!

He has lost his jobs many times over the years, where I have had to give him money for them while they are with him?! If he can’t support them 21% of the time how can he do it 50%?!

Her medical appointments are not about me, he has not even asked for the name/provided to get his own information. Essentially regardless of his feelings towards me his interest should lie with her recieiving the help she needs and being a part of that. He claims it comes down to not having the time, not being able to leave work early etc how does he then claim to have the time to devote to 50/50.

I have absolutely no ill feelings towards him, sure he isn’t my biggest fan because I left and made a life on my own, something in which he has struggled with but the priority for me is our children. Has been and always will be.

The kids are 7, 8, 10. I guess my biggest concern is the exposure to defamation of my character and ultimately how that will impact our relationship as times goes on.

I’m obviously hoping to settle on an agreement in mediation should we go there but his attitude has dramatically changed to his way or no way lately and can’t see him being very reasonable and consider what is ultimately best for the kids.

 

[sammy01]

the notion was to appease him? wast of time...
He has not demonstrated the ability? YOUR OPINION
He has asked for the name / provider of medical to get his own information? good, shows he cares.
Not good news yet...
Defamation? nope no worries there.

I'd argue his attitude has dramatically changed. He wants more time.

My advice. Refuse. Refuse. Refuse... You have no obligation to provide more time based on the orders. This is a game of chess. But, if he applies to court, get back to us.
My advice version 2 - If the kids can do 2 nights with dad a fortnight, he ain't all that bad. At that age they should be doing half holidays with him at least and the courts WILL do that. I have not read the court orders you have , so I have to work under assumptions. But they should be doing half holidays at that age (assuming his acccomodation is adequate)

Take either of them and get back to us if he applies to court or gets a solicitor to write to you.

Just to give you my perspective, so you understand where my advice is coming from. My kids spend 14% with the other parent. Youngest is 7. They come back telling me about the fun they had with the other parent. BUT they also tell me about the hits, spanks and face slaps. Dont like it. Have spoken to Doc's about it. But it ain't enough to stop them going.

 

[MiaFord18]

the notion was to appease him? wast of time...
He has not demonstrated the ability? YOUR OPINION
He has asked for the name / provider of medical to get his own information? good, shows he cares.
Not good news yet...
Defamation? nope no worries there.

I'd argue his attitude has dramatically changed. He wants more time.

My advice. Refuse. Refuse. Refuse... You have no obligation to provide more time based on the orders. This is a game of chess. But, if he applies to court, get back to us.
My advice version 2 - If the kids can do 2 nights with dad a fortnight, he ain't all that bad. At that age they should be doing half holidays with him at least and the courts WILL do that. I have not read the court orders you have , so I have to work under assumptions. But they should be doing half holidays at that age (assuming his acccomodation is adequate)

Take either of them and get back to us if he applies to court or gets a solicitor to write to you.

Just to give you my perspective, so you understand where my advice is coming from. My kids spend 14% with the other parent. Youngest is 7. They come back telling me about the fun they had with the other parent. BUT they also tell me about the hits, spanks and face slaps. Dont like it. Have spoken to Doc's about it. But it ain't enough to stop them going.

Thank you.
He hasn’t asked for the information to speak to them, must of messed that up.

Any who i’m sitting & waiting now until January when he kicks it off.

He does get 1/2 holidays aswell.

Your advice was appreciated.