TAS Ex Wants to Adopt My Son - Is It Possible?

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MumToMany

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25 March 2019
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My ex-partner (father of 2 of my children) wants to adopt my other son who has had nothing to do with his biological father since he was born almost 9 years ago. His bio father is on the birth certificate but aside from me taking my son for five visits as a newborn and once when he was 3 to see if he was interested in being a dad (he wasn't), he's never been in his life (his choice). Our relationship ended when I was pregnant and he physically assaulted me (PFVO was placed). He does pay child support of about $15 a month and that's how it's always been.

My son spends weekend and holidays with my ex along with his siblings, and he pays for everything (scouts, swimming lessons, music lessons, etc) and has been like this since my son was 3 years old. He's basically his father but without parental rights. That would be fine except I'm awake again after another bad dream that something awful happened to me and he was forced to leave his siblings and go live with a stranger on the other side of the state.

Is it possible for my ex to adopt him somehow, or get his bio father to sign over his rights to him?
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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Given the ex has an established relationship with the kid, the authorities are going to see that as the best option for the kid.

You could see a solicitor and have consent orders written up that state the kid spends time with the ex and that would solidify your case somewhat. But I don't think you've got much to worry about.
 

MumToMany

Member
25 March 2019
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Okay I'll look into that. We don't have orders for any of the children so maybe we should. Can it be done without going to court? Fill out some paperwork and hand it in?
 

Rod

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27 May 2014
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s it possible for my ex to adopt him somehow, or get his bio father to sign over his rights to him?

Yes, and you should make the attempt as it is the best long term solution. Next is Sammy's suggestion of consent orders.

You may also want to consider a Power of Attorney for your ex. The POA will operate while you are alive and can give all your parental rights to him. It is easy to do and a good interim measure.
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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You could go see a solicitor and spend a few grand.
Or just rely upon common sense. You get hit by a bus.... The ex is gonna pick up the kids. The authorities will look into him and will definitely leave the biological kids with him. They'll almost certainly leave non-bio kid too....
You get a terminal diagnosis. You'll have time to get the paperwork sorted.

Stress less and live longer, best solution.
 

MumToMany

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25 March 2019
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I don't think it's got anything to do with common sense. We are talking about an 8 year old child here so "almost certainly" isn't good enough. Legally, his bio father has rights yes? The ex doesn't?
 
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sammy01

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27 September 2015
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Actually, the ex does have rights and it is very much about common sense. So bio dad has had no interest in the kid. Why would your death change that?

So the courts would look at the best interest of the child. What is in the kid's best interest? After losing his mum, be sent away with someone he doesn't know? or live with step dad, where there is a long and established relationship... Common sense.

Look if you're that worried about it, you could go see a solicitor and spend some $$$. I think You'll be causing yourself a pile of trouble.... See, you're likely to need dad's permission for anything to be legally binding. If dad doesn't want to give it, what then? all based on a possibility of you dying. Seriously, unless you have a diagnosis (and you have my symphaties if that is the case) but if you don't then live more, stress less.
 
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Tremaine

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5 February 2019
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“The possibility of you dying”. Possibility - heh.

I have a daughter and a step-daughter, and I have genuine concern that my step-daughter’s mother would try for custody of my daughter if anything happened to my partner and I before she reached the age of majority. Like you, I’m not willing to leave it to ‘common sense’ (and my partner’s ex has even less claim than your child’s father has), so I’ve talked to a lawyer and I think you should do the same.

The circumstances here are different, of course. I can just add a clause to my will that allocates parental responsibility and care to one of my family members in the event that my partner and I both pass. My partner’s ex may try for custody anyway, but if our wishes are clearly stated in our wills, the likelihood of the court placing our daughter with her over one of our family members are pretty slim.

For you, though, dad already has parental responsibility because it’s a presumption in family law. It applies even if there’s no court order, and it can’t be changed without a court order.

The best option that gives the most finality is for your ex to adopt your son. That’s going to require dad’s agreement or I believe a court order but dad will need to be involved in the process one way or another.

I think it’s worthwhile speaking to a lawyer, though, to find out if there are other options. Like you, I wouldn’t leave my kid’s care arrangements to chance.
 

Tim W

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OK, bottom line.
Start with Consent Orders.

Bear in mind that there are three players here.
Get advice from a specialist Family Law lawyer.
 

Rod

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... just add a clause to my will ...

The requirements may vary from State to State so make sure it is done properly. The guardian is typically separate from the trustee role.
 
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