QLD Ex Threatened DVO Against Me - Impact on Family Court?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by nat 2015, 26 June 2018.

  1. nat 2015

    nat 2015 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    8 February 2017
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hi,

    So after seeking a lawyer in regards to property settlement, I have been informed now to send a letter of full disclosure to my ex. It will save a lot of money so they tell me. Well, my ex turned up last Wednesday and read my mail that was on my bench. He then has gotten nasty and now has informed me he is taking out a court order for contacting his girlfriend and asking her for him to stop calling me.

    I also did tell her he is a lying piece of s**t, I accept that as wrong. At the tim, I just wanted him to leave me alone, and I thought if I let her know, it would stop him from harassing me. This is a man who would call me asking for sex. I don't have proof because it was said over the phone so it is my word against his. He's very good at that and makes sure to be nice in texts but nasty in phone calls, so i stop answering and it seems to have worked.

    My questions are, does he have enough for a DVO? And secondly, he has now stated that he is concerned about the well being of his children and accused me of bad-mouthing him to them. Yes, I did tell our 21-year-old her father was a piece of s**t and a liar. I was angry and annoyed and yes, I should not have done that.

    I am worried that he also wants to put the kids' names on it. How does that affect family court, etc.? We have no orders in place.
     
  2. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    27 September 2015
    Messages:
    2,805
    Likes Received:
    390
    Ok so given you guys no longer live together, his chance of getting an AVO are not as good.

    So, you're dealing with hypotheticals - if the cops call or deliver an AVO / DVO, get back to us... But for the minute, just deal with what you have... And what you have is a responsibility to pull your head in. Sorry, not gonna sugar coat it, but give him nothing else to take to the cops.

    So if he was successful in getting a DVO (and I don't think he will be), but since you've asked... It means he can stop you going near the kids... What sorta arrangements are in place with kids at the moment?

    Look, don't worry about the hypotheticals - worry about the realities. The reality is the best thing you can do right now is keep all communication in text message / email if possible and only talk about the kids - nothing else.
     
    nat 2015 likes this.
  3. nat 2015

    nat 2015 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    8 February 2017
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    2
    The children go to him every 2nd weekend. No need to be sorry at all, you're right, I do have to pull my head in.
     
  4. nat 2015

    nat 2015 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    8 February 2017
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ok, so my ex thinks it's OK with how he is carrying on after him making threats about a dvo towards me for no reason at all. He calls me and laughs at me. I find this very disturbing. I have also just found out the lawyer said she can't take me on as the practice has declined for settlement.

    I know am giving up, I feel helpless and just emotionally exhausted. I asked him why he's not given full disclosure of the offer. His response is his lawyer told him not to give bank statements, etc and that he doesn't have to give full disclosure, yet his lawyer stated on the offer that he gave full disclosure and asked me for the same thing.

    I don't get this. I paid $185 for 45 min of advice and all I got was to ask his lawyer for full disclosure but I don't think he's willing to do that. At the end of my rope!

    I have 14 yr old boys who refuse to spend any time with him. I have a 2 yr old who is clingy and trying to adjust to routine with her dad. I just can't do this anymore.

    He won't sign a parenting plan, certificate runs out in 2 weeks, constantly threatening family court at me on a weekly basis. I am entitled to legal aid and they suggested back to mediation but it's pointless.
     
  5. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    27 September 2015
    Messages:
    2,805
    Likes Received:
    390
    OK - so you are winning. So you are winning. Yep wrote it twice. Because you need to read it twice. so you are winning. Again just in case. Every time he threatens you with court and doesn't do it, you're winning.

    Go get legal aid, do mediation with them. If he has a solicitor present, it will cost him $$$$. Be reasonable... That way when mediation fails, legal aid will fund you through some or all of the court stuff. It will cost him heaps and cost you nothing. Winning.

    His threats are an attempt to wear you down, but everything he threatens you and doesn't actually go through with the threat you should feel stronger.

    So you are winning.
     
  6. Rod

    Rod Well-Known Member
    LawTap Verified

    Joined:
    27 May 2014
    Messages:
    5,248
    Likes Received:
    740
    I agree with Sammy.

    It is hard, made unnecessarily harder by your ex, but you can do it.

    Your problem seems to be that you still care too much. 'Ex reading mail on your bench' indicates the ex has boundary issues and abuses them. Cut-off his access, hang up when he starts to threaten or belittle you. My ex, even many years after separation still felt like she had the right to tell me what to do re: kids. I started to get upset and then I realised I didn't need to. It was a light bulb moment, I simply hung up and refused to answer the rest the day. I felt much better.

    Take back the control you have given up over the years and life will feel better. May not be easier re: ex, but you'll feel better.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    SamanthaJay likes this.
  7. thatbloke

    thatbloke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    5 February 2018
    Messages:
    335
    Likes Received:
    42
    So you are trying to interfere with a relationship, calling your ex names via his girlfriend and are emailing her in secret? Did you expect him to congratulate you on your actions? Why on earth do you feel the need to even be in contact with someones new partner? What did you hope to gain out of it?

    My opinion would be to stop faffing about trying to badmouth others, get on with your life, use your certificate before it runs out if you need to and stop contacting the partners of your ex. Unfortunately, if there is proof of you slagging Dad off to others, such as this, it could easily be assumed you do the same to the kids, and that won't help you either

    As for the DVO, if anything, it would be his new partner who would have to take one out, not him, as stumbling across an email (WTF is he even doing being in the position to see this?) is hardly ongoing domestic violence and I doubt the police would do much unless the new partner went along and said you were harassing her. So (and I am not saying you are) if what you are doing even remotely smells like it could stink of harassment, stop it now.

    Last year, for a period of time, we let my ex into our house (I will do anything for my son) and all she did when she was here was slag me off in another language to my current wife... and you know what... We laughed at her too. (It was hilarious) And we used her own stupidity against her, to the max.

    As for a lawyer refusing to take you on, well that could be another chance to look in the mirror and see how you are possibly coming across. Lawyers like money.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    27 September 2015
    Messages:
    2,805
    Likes Received:
    390
    Good opinion that bloke. Did you really let the ex live with you? I think it great how folk can use their own personal experience to help others.

    Totally, agree with the suggestion, forget the name calling, etc. Calling folk muppets and stuff.... Bad form.

    I did think the jist of the last post was about her feeling stressed about the ex constantly calling her and laughing down the phone, etc, etc? Or did I misread that bit?

    My opinion on the phone calls - he calls up, answer. Don't speak, just answer and put the phone down and walk away for 3-4 minutes. Not legal advice, just a strategy you might want to use teach him to stop with the annoying phone calls.
     
    nat 2015 likes this.
  9. nat 2015

    nat 2015 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    8 February 2017
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    2
    Unfortunately there are no winners.
     
  10. nat 2015

    nat 2015 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    8 February 2017
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ok, thanks for that, but to clarify, she contacted me first and stated he was cheating on her, and I just confirmed to her that, yes, he did that to me as well amongst other things. She wanted to meet up with me which I declined and wasn't about to enter into more crap.

    He's very confused. He hates me one minute, the next minute he's saying he loves me which I have been very very clear to him the feelings are not mutual and don't give him and haven't certainly given any indication that a reunion would be on the table. I am trying to start my life again after 20 yrs with a person who didn't treat me very kindly.

    In no means am I a person who harasses others, but I can see how that may look. I am not perfect and never claimed to be. If you're insinuating that I am a money hungry woman, I am far from not. I left with the clothes on my back and 6 bags of clothing, for our children. I am not even asking for 50%. With an asset pool of close to 1 million dollars.

    And at this stage, I am willing to walk away with what I have in the hope he just may leave me alone to a point.
     
Loading...

Share This Page

Loading...
gt;