QLD Ex Tells Family Court Our Child Is Upset After Seeing Me

[prosurfer]

My ex is telling the family law court that our toddler is upset for days and does not sleep properly after spending time with me. I believe this to be untrue, but cannot prove it is not true as I am not there. The judge seems to believe it all and refused my request for longer visits. Is there anything I can do?

I have already paid a child psychologist to watch my visits and submit an affidavit stating that the child was very happy being with me, was not upset or missing the other parent, but the judge appeared to take no notice of my accredited expert and believed the other parent.

 

[Sarah J]

Hi Prosurfer,

I understand that this must be a very situation for you.

My belief is that the judge made the decision based on other factors and considerations and not just solely on the claim made by your ex partner. However without knowing the facts of your case, this is merely a belief.

You can look into appealing the judge's decision or waiting a while before re-applying for longer time with your child. Before doing so, you need to figure out the exact reasons why the judge denied your application. It could be a combination of previously argued factors (e.g. background, employment, lifestyle habits), your demeanour in court, your perceived willingness to cooperate with your ex partner on parenting matters etc. When making decisions, the judge will never look at a fact or take an argument in isolation. It is always considered within the whole circumstances and factual matrix.

On a side note, is always best, when arguing in court, to not accuse the other person outright as lying. As difficult as it may be, try and refrain yourself from doing this and let the evidence speak for itself. Making accusations will not only not be well received by the court, it will oftentimes not help your case, and will be perceived as antagonising the other parent and not acting cooperatively.

 

[prosurfer]

Thank you for your help. We are back in court in a few months so I have another opportunity to argue for more time, I am concerned with having problems with the same argument from the ex again. The ex has requested from the court the reasons the judge made the decision so I will request the same if I do not receive a copy. We are having a family report conducted before the next court appearance, it is the day after my visits and I am very worried the ex will keep the child awake at night to give the appearance of being upset and tired. Is there anything I can do to counter this? Perhaps getting the child psychologist to observe my visit the day before again?

Your answer also raises another issue I am concerned about, the ex is lying in affidavits to the court. A lot of it is of course one word against another, but there are several statements that I can definitely prove are false. How can I raise this issue to the court without making myself look bad?

 

[Sarah J]

1. You can show that your ex is lying by providing a different version of facts in your affidavit and support it by exhibits (evidence). This way, you are not outright alleging your ex is lying but saying to the court "my version is more credible and therefore more believable because I have supporting evidence). The court places little reliance on one word over another, because this is all taken with a grain of salt. But evidence cannot lie.
2. Having expert reports made (e.g. child psychologist) will definitely assist your case.
3. Having character references will also help (e.g. from family, friends, neighbours on how the child is when he/she is with you and what kind of father you are around him/her)
4. Definitely request a copy of the judgment. It should be handed to you in any event.
5. You should show the court that you give your ex the benefit of the doubt because you want to cooperate with your ex in the best interests of your child (no judge likes bickering parents). There is little you can do to prevent your wife from keeping the child awake and being uncooperative, just focus on all you can do to soothe your child and make his/her time with you an enjoyable one.