NSW Ex taking me to court but moved out of state?

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13 February 2018
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Hey there,
So my daughter is 3 years 4 months and has never met her biological father as he was never interested. I haven't seen him since I was 5 weeks pregnant.
Last month I got served with court documents regarding him taking me to court about our daughter. In them he said he wanted her every fortnight weekend and half of all school holidays. This myself and my lawyer find completely unreasonable as my daughter has never met him before. We have court coming up soon and I have just found out he has moved to Queensland 3 weeks ago.. (which he did not put down in the court documents)
What would even happen now? My lawyer and I are stating that he may see her under supervision for 2 hours per fortnight for at least 6 months to first establish a bond together. I cannot afford to travel to Queensland it isnt my problem that he has chosen to move. I just really dont understand how this will work.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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ok so calm down... Firstly, maybe his move is temporary?

2 hours supervision for a while, leading up to overnights is a reasonable request.
Did dad make any contact with you to request time with the kid prior to applying to court. Normally, mediation is required first. I don't know how he would have gotten around that one.
 
13 February 2018
5
0
1
ok so calm down... Firstly, maybe his move is temporary?

2 hours supervision for a while, leading up to overnights is a reasonable request.
Did dad make any contact with you to request time with the kid prior to applying to court. Normally, mediation is required first. I don't know how he would have gotten around that one.


He gave mediation my old disconnected phone number (which he knew it was) he had my parents house number and their address which he could have contacted me through but didn't give these details to the mediator. So he was issued with the certificate for court.
He never made an effort to contact me about seeing her before this. The only thing he did was drop off birthday and christmas presents for her for her first 2 birthdays and christmas.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Was dad communicating with you at all before you were served?
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Okay, depending on the travel time between the two households, there's a really good chance long term that dad will probably end up with every second weekend or two weekends a term, plus half school holidays. Your child has a right to know, spend time and communicate with both parents on a regular basis, and unless the father poses an unacceptable risk of harm to the child, the Court will most likely accept that it's in the child's best interests to have a meaningful relationship with dad.

But it will take a while to get there, so let's talk about pathways and options first, working on the assumption that dad is a reasonable person with genuine commitment to being a dad.

I'm not sure that two hours every 14 days is going to build the bond that you're talking about. Being only 3.5, cognitive development says your child's memory starts to fade after about three or four days, so psychologists generally recommend that shorter periods more frequently are better than long periods less frequently (or short periods less frequently, in this case) for kids in that age bracket. As they get older, they can cope better with longer periods away from each parent without losing their bond.

However, we also have to account for the tyranny of distance in this case, which makes things a bit more difficult.

I'm inclined to think that maybe two eight-hour periods every second weekend is more feasible for bond building, with a FaceTime call every couple of days in between, and I think it's fair to expect that time occurs near to your residence, rather than dad's, so the child can go back into your care if dad or the child are struggling.

You might follow this pattern for about six months before facilitating an overnight stay at dad's house or somewhere near to your household, then increase by one night a fortnight every six months or so.

The trickiest part here is the tyranny of distance. If dad has moved to Sydney and you're in Brisbane, then obviously, every other weekend isn't viable long-term. You'd be looking at maybe two weekend per school term and half holidays. But if dad has moved to the northern coast of NSW and you're living on the Gold Coast, then every other weekend is perfectly reasonable.

But all of this is assuming the circumstances between you and dad aren't completely untenable. If he beat you, that changes things completely, and if you found out you were pregnant then virtually disappeared, that changes things again.

What's the purpose of supervision? Are you concerned he will hurt the child or not give her back?
 
13 February 2018
5
0
1
Okay, depending on the travel time between the two households, there's a really good chance long term that dad will probably end up with every second weekend or two weekends a term, plus half school holidays. Your child has a right to know, spend time and communicate with both parents on a regular basis, and unless the father poses an unacceptable risk of harm to the child, the Court will most likely accept that it's in the child's best interests to have a meaningful relationship with dad.

But it will take a while to get there, so let's talk about pathways and options first, working on the assumption that dad is a reasonable person with genuine commitment to being a dad.

I'm not sure that two hours every 14 days is going to build the bond that you're talking about. Being only 3.5, cognitive development says your child's memory starts to fade after about three or four days, so psychologists generally recommend that shorter periods more frequently are better than long periods less frequently (or short periods less frequently, in this case) for kids in that age bracket. As they get older, they can cope better with longer periods away from each parent without losing their bond.

However, we also have to account for the tyranny of distance in this case, which makes things a bit more difficult.

I'm inclined to think that maybe two eight-hour periods every second weekend is more feasible for bond building, with a FaceTime call every couple of days in between, and I think it's fair to expect that time occurs near to your residence, rather than dad's, so the child can go back into your care if dad or the child are struggling.

You might follow this pattern for about six months before facilitating an overnight stay at dad's house or somewhere near to your household, then increase by one night a fortnight every six months or so.

The trickiest part here is the tyranny of distance. If dad has moved to Sydney and you're in Brisbane, then obviously, every other weekend isn't viable long-term. You'd be looking at maybe two weekend per school term and half holidays. But if dad has moved to the northern coast of NSW and you're living on the Gold Coast, then every other weekend is perfectly reasonable.

But all of this is assuming the circumstances between you and dad aren't completely untenable. If he beat you, that changes things completely, and if you found out you were pregnant then virtually disappeared, that changes things again.

What's the purpose of supervision? Are you concerned he will hurt the child or not give her back?



What myself and my lawyer are proposing with the 2 hour supervised visits once a fortnight for at least 6 months is what I have been told by several lawyers that a judge would first award him. Supervised because he has never met her and I dont know him at all. We were 'together' for 5 weeks when I found out I was 3 weeks pregnant to him and the relationship then ended because he wanted me to have an abortion and I refused. I only knew him for about a month before we got together.
Because this person is a complete stranger to myself and my daughter, all the legal advice I have received states that for the moment, I can offer him what the judge would anyway and that overnights wouldn't even start for at least another 4 years making my daughter almost 8 years.
I have no issues at all with her getting to know him and having a good relationship with her father so long as I know he is trustworthy. But he can't walk in after almost 3 and a half years, never showing an interest and expect to take her to Queensland every second weekend and half of all school holidays.


What I am more asking in my post is I dont understand how we are supposed to attend court and him to see her when he is in another state? Will it be his problem to travel since he has chosen to move for no reason other then just wanting to?
He has moved to Queensland, I am in NSW, about 3 hours country from Sydney. I am half way through a pregnancy with my second child and don't drive. If I'd be having to meet him half way every fortnight for visits, I don't see how that is feasible in my position. I also don't know how this shows he actually wants a relationship with her when he has moved so far away. Before he moved I knew which town he lived in and it was only one hour away.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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There's no way of knowing what the Court might order in terms of travel. Most likely, dad will have to travel to your town to see the child at least in the beginning, and I would say there's a good chance dad will need to cover the costs, but that may change, especially if you insist on no overnights for four years (good luck, can't say I know of any judge waiting four years before allowing overnights, especially when there's a significant travel distance involved).

As a side note, I don't know how you can draw the conclusion that dad moved for no reason other than that he wanted to. Didn't he buy a house in Queensland? And I wouldn't say that dad is not showing that he wants a relationship with his kid when he's literally taking you to Court to have a relationship with his kid. Seems a bit counterintuitive, doesn't it?
 

Tarah

Active Member
9 July 2016
5
0
31
NSW
Hey there,
So my daughter is 3 years 4 months and has never met her biological father as he was never interested. I haven't seen him since I was 5 weeks pregnant.
Last month I got served with court documents regarding him taking me to court about our daughter. In them he said he wanted her every fortnight weekend and half of all school holidays. This myself and my lawyer find completely unreasonable as my daughter has never met him before. We have court coming up soon and I have just found out he has moved to Queensland 3 weeks ago.. (which he did not put down in the court documents)
What would even happen now? My lawyer and I are stating that he may see her under supervision for 2 hours per fortnight for at least 6 months to first establish a bond together. I cannot afford to travel to Queensland it isnt my problem that he has chosen to move. I just really dont understand how this will work.[/QUOTE


Hi there!
I know this post is just a lil old lol but I have just seen your kinda, sorta, maybe in the same position as me lol. How did it all go? I have court coming up in Jan.