NSW Ex Attending Mediation with Solicitor?

[Dad05]

Hi All,

I have to attend mediation with a family dispute practitioner in the near future as the ex would like to alter the current family court ratified consent orders that have been in place since 2010.

The purpose of this thread is that I will be attending the face-to-face mediation on my own, but the ex will be attending with her solicitor. My solicitor will not be in attendance, firstly due to the cost associated with that, but I have also heard that having your solicitor with you can compromise them?

Just wondering if anyone can explain to me how a solicitor could become compromised by attending such a process?

Thanks in advanced

 

[sammy01]

So somewhere in the back of my brain I remember something like some solicitors agreeing that they will refuse to continue past mediation in the event it fails. My opinion - it is a very lame attempt on solicitor's part to 'show' that they are more committed to getting a result than dragging it on and on for the sake of getting more money. So I hope that goes some way towards answering that one...

My thoughts - attend the mediation without solicitor. Your consent orders are binding. So the only way to change them is either by agreement or via court. Mate, you're in the box seat. Just attend, be polite, ask lots of questions. So let's say you agree to something at mediation. It still isn't binding until it is written into consent orders and stamped by the court.

I have to warn you - I'm not a nice guy... Nope - not even close... If I were in your position, I would 'say' I'll agree to all the desired changes the ex makes only if her solicitor writes them into consent orders. Then once that is done, I'd refuse to sign them... It will cost the ex lots of money and mean Nothing... Like I said - I'm not a nice guy.

So any idea what she wants changed?

 

[Dad05]

Thanks for the reply sammy01,

I will attend the mediation and play the game. Obviously she is only going through the process as it is a prerequisite before filing with the court and she needs the Section 60i certificate.

As tempting as it would be to agree to her demands and watch her waste a heap of money on getting consent orders drawn up and then not sign them, i feel that this would backfire on me during court proceedings if i didn't agree with her demands during court proceedings.

Just out of interest, the current orders see me with my 10 year daughter 6 consecutive nights per fortnight and half of all school holidays. She wants to move her to a town 3.5 hours drive away. My daughter doesn't want to move, but she is scared to say this to her mother.

The mother only wants to move because she is losing control of our daughter and she can see how close we are. I can see its going to get messy all over again.

 

[sammy01]

Ok - so do the mediation. Been there done that...

But with 6 years of shared care, she really is gonna struggle to make a good case.

I had 2 or 3 different solicitors write to me to tell me that I should just accept that the courts will allow her to move with the kids and I should not cause anyone any grief trying to fight it.

So the one question you need to prepare yourself for is being asked whether or not you'd accept having the child full time. Somehow there is some sort of fuzzy logic that means the solicitors think threatening you with having full time care is a good strategy to scare you into agreeing to let the ex move.

Little ray of sunshine - my ex left, but the kids stayed with me... She didn't even bother applying to court - she just gave up and left.

 

[Dad05]

Thanks sammy01,

Having my daughter full time would not be a problem for me. In fact, my daughter is telling me that is what she wants. I don't get into that conversation with her as I don't want it to bite me on the ass later and have a family consultant tell the courts that I have been indoctrinating my daughter.

I work for myself in a family business and having my daughter full time would be easy as I have heaps of family support. My ex would never leave our daughter with me full time, it's all about revenge for her and leaving my daughter with me would been seen by her as me "winning", and I can assure you she won't have that on.

 

[sammy01]

Let us know how you go... I'll be interested to see if she applies to court... I really hope not.

So to make yourself seem reasonable, at mediation make sure you tell them that you'd be happy for the kid to spend more than half holidays with mum if she left without the child and have a chunk of reasons why moving the kid is a bad idea. Stuff like - settled in school, has good friendship group, doing well at school, has extended family and established relationships, etc etc.