Why don't they call it the women against men court? Family Law matter - I went with bank statements, death threats sent to me and other things that the lady judge didn't even look at while the ex told a whole lot of crap to judge [Name Redacted by Moderator] who could not do enough for her. When are the courts and law going to get real?
NSW Dissatisfied with Family Court Process
- Thread starter rodney bell
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- family law
If you are dissatisfied with the outcome of your proceedings, you can file for an appeal within 28 days of the matter being finalised. I would strongly suggest seeking legal advice - appeals are allowed only if an error has been made, so it's important that your appeal be filed correctly and with the correct information addressed to show an error has been made.
M
Mary Lou
Guest
My child was 7 years old when they removed her from my care completely in March 2014. The father claimed there was child abuse and child neglect and the Magistrate felt compelled to remove her completely from my care. Before I lost her, we were extremely close. I did everything for that little girl. I took her horse riding, swimming lessons, I bought her guinea pigs but had to sell them because the ex complained they were making her sick. I never hit her once. Not even a slap on the bum. I never yelled at her. I never told her off. I never scolded her. I was a very good Mother, very kind and loving. Then all of a sudden I was told by the Magistrate that I could only have supervised contact. I thought “what for?” It made no sense to me and still does not. I have never attended supervised contact because I do not believe in it. It is not for me and my child. My child is turning 9 in a couple of months. I haven't seen her since she was 7. I lost my child, I feel she was stolen from me. I miss what we had, I miss our sacred bond. There never was any abuse. It was all a complete and utter lie.
I feel obligated to reply to this most recent addition to what is otherwise an older thread.
It is unfortunate that things did not pan out the way you wanted them to. That's the problem with parents being unable to co-operate - they place it in the hands of the courts to decide, but nobody knows the needs of a child more than his/her parents.
It is my view that the court does what it can with the information it is given, and I feel in this circumstance, there is a side we are not hearing. Judges often find that parents are unsupportive of the relationship between the child and the other parent, and that those parents are unable to acknowledge this as a significant problem for their child. Abuse isn't always physical - it's often psychological. Where a child is subject to the demonisation of one parent at the behest of the other, the child is made to feel that loving that parent - an act ingrained in our biology - is somehow wrong.
Of course, I am not suggesting this to be the case for you, but I provide such information in the hope that parents reading this forum will gain a proper grasp of what truly constitutes 'abuse, neglect and violence'. A person can be the most kind and loving parent in the world who buys things and doesn't hit the child, but if they cannot acknowledge that they are just one half of that child's life and that the other parent is just as crucial to their child's well-being, then that person's love and kindness has a limit, in the child's eyes, extending only insofar as the other parent is perceived as less important. A child is never 'My Child'. A child is always 'Our Child'.
It saddens me deeply that you have nominated to exile yourself from your daughter's life completely rather than tolerate contact centre visits. The impact on your daughter of spending time with you at a contact centre is only a trifle against the impact of not spending time with you at all. I hope you change your mind in future and recommence spending time with your daughter so that your daughter can again enjoy the kind and loving relationship you have described here.
It is unfortunate that things did not pan out the way you wanted them to. That's the problem with parents being unable to co-operate - they place it in the hands of the courts to decide, but nobody knows the needs of a child more than his/her parents.
It is my view that the court does what it can with the information it is given, and I feel in this circumstance, there is a side we are not hearing. Judges often find that parents are unsupportive of the relationship between the child and the other parent, and that those parents are unable to acknowledge this as a significant problem for their child. Abuse isn't always physical - it's often psychological. Where a child is subject to the demonisation of one parent at the behest of the other, the child is made to feel that loving that parent - an act ingrained in our biology - is somehow wrong.
Of course, I am not suggesting this to be the case for you, but I provide such information in the hope that parents reading this forum will gain a proper grasp of what truly constitutes 'abuse, neglect and violence'. A person can be the most kind and loving parent in the world who buys things and doesn't hit the child, but if they cannot acknowledge that they are just one half of that child's life and that the other parent is just as crucial to their child's well-being, then that person's love and kindness has a limit, in the child's eyes, extending only insofar as the other parent is perceived as less important. A child is never 'My Child'. A child is always 'Our Child'.
It saddens me deeply that you have nominated to exile yourself from your daughter's life completely rather than tolerate contact centre visits. The impact on your daughter of spending time with you at a contact centre is only a trifle against the impact of not spending time with you at all. I hope you change your mind in future and recommence spending time with your daughter so that your daughter can again enjoy the kind and loving relationship you have described here.
M
Mary Lou
Guest
It is definitely not about what I have or have not said about the father. I never spoke about the Father to my child. I only ask "What did you do with your Dad this week." And I have always supported her relationship with her Father. I do have a proper grasp of what truly constitutes abuse, neglect and violence and I am absolutely certain that I have been unfairly cast into that category, of which I truly do not belong. There is no place in my world for belonging in that category. And I refuse to support them by doing supervised contact because I do not belong in that category so why should I live the existence of it. Why should I be watched and have notes taken like I am some sort of freak. My child will wonder in her mind what I have done that is so awful that people need to take notes. And they do not allow you to cuddle your child. There is no physical contact allowed. I am not a freak. I refuse to be treated like one. I say My Child because when [name of child] was with me, she was my child. The Father and I do not communicate. We are parallel parents. He has Aspergers and is unable to communicate with me. There is no "We". There never was a "We". It was always me and [name of child]. He would just sit at his computer and ignore me and [name of child] throughout the entire marriage. I was her sole companion. I am not belittling him, I just have the guts to say the truth in this forum. I have been gagged by people like you who will not let me have a voice to say what needs to be said. He is not her companion and never will be. In his mind, he is at his computer and she is in her bedroom watching tv where she truly belongs and you can add head phones to that. He cannot tolerate the sound of the tv. The house must be silent. He forces her to watch tv with headphones on. He lives in his own little world. He doesn't understand about "We" and "Us". If that means I am not allowed to be her Mother because I refuse to be gagged, then so be it. Nine more years and I can see her on my own terms, not on the terms dictated to me by him, the Magistrate, The Psychologist, the Department of Child Protection (who by the way completed their assessment and found his allegations of child abuse hold no foundation). I would pick up the phone and ring him tomorrow if I could. I would happily be one of his best friends who he can always lean on, get support from, and be cared by. I would happily drop into his home, have a coffee with him and totally support his every move. I would bend over backwards for him. But I am not welcome in his home. I am not welcome to contact him. I am not welcome to visit him family. I have been cast out, demonised, bullied and controlled. There is no "We". You seem to have issues with "We". He has issues with "We". I do not have any issues with "We". I never have.
M
Mary Lou
Guest
And why can't I say "My child"? Why do people think a Mother is self centred because she sais "My Child". If Princess Kate or Princess Mary said the words "My child" should everyone look up at them and gasp, she said the word "My". Quick put it on the front cover of Women's Weekly. She needs to stand corrected. Can't I have a little bit of a sense of her being mine? Or should I use this time apart from her to firmly establish those boundaries better? She is not mine. I do not own her. Legally I do not own her and legally she is not mine. Just because I am her biological Mother does not give me some kind of automatic right to her. In fact, I was never really very important or of any real value. What's a Mother worth anyway?
family court = guilty until proven innocent (hence why people lie all the time in family court)
real life court (criminal court) = innocent until proven guilty.
Simple as that!!! its an unfair legal system (family law) that needs to be overhauled IMO. People who are found to falsely accuse need severe repercussions so this stops altogether. It doesn't just impact the person falsely accussed, but as described above and in 1000's of other cases, the children's lives are changed forever. For a system that supposedly rules in the "best interests of the child" the prevalence of false accusations and ensuing custodial decisions are abominable.
In my case, I have formally complained to the legal board about the involvement of my exes lawyer in the lies be it instructing him to do it or as a result of professional misconduct. I suggest you all do it. I am also pursuing defamation suits, whatever I can to bring justice to this injustice.
If its seen as a regular occurrence in family court, without enough complaints being made about the counsel who participate in it, then surely as a snowball effect something can be done. It is an infringement of our basic human right to have access to a fair and just legal system. The way it currently stands, family court favours liars!
This is just my experience and opinion I am aware others may have differing views which is fine.
real life court (criminal court) = innocent until proven guilty.
Simple as that!!! its an unfair legal system (family law) that needs to be overhauled IMO. People who are found to falsely accuse need severe repercussions so this stops altogether. It doesn't just impact the person falsely accussed, but as described above and in 1000's of other cases, the children's lives are changed forever. For a system that supposedly rules in the "best interests of the child" the prevalence of false accusations and ensuing custodial decisions are abominable.
In my case, I have formally complained to the legal board about the involvement of my exes lawyer in the lies be it instructing him to do it or as a result of professional misconduct. I suggest you all do it. I am also pursuing defamation suits, whatever I can to bring justice to this injustice.
If its seen as a regular occurrence in family court, without enough complaints being made about the counsel who participate in it, then surely as a snowball effect something can be done. It is an infringement of our basic human right to have access to a fair and just legal system. The way it currently stands, family court favours liars!
This is just my experience and opinion I am aware others may have differing views which is fine.
Hi Rodney,
I certainly can feel for you. My settlement was approx 18mth ago (WA).
My Ex, new partner and family lied in affidavits. Her new partner was caught lying over a couple of significant issues. This was ignored by the judge and in fact the one of his lies had a negative impact for me with final outcome.
My Ex lied in court, brought out the tears during the hearing and the magistrate straight away took note and his final decision has made account for here emotional outburst. I was told that nothing but the affidavit will be taken into account....wrong!!!
I had the misconception that to lie to the court was an offense....Wrong!!!
My lawyer had had previous experience with this magistrate and had tried to prepare me for a female biased magistrate....I thought she was joking.
I have lost all respect for the courts and those who are part of the system.
In my experience; the court is biased toward women and open to lies and hearsay.
in my experience; lie and you win.
NOTE: This has been my experience and my opinions are based on this.
Sorry to hear about your situation Rodney, but as you will start finding; there are a lot of us out here. Join the club.
Don't let the unfairness get you down. you can walk away being proud that you told the truth. This is what I still remind myself on a daily basis.
Regards
Jeff
I certainly can feel for you. My settlement was approx 18mth ago (WA).
My Ex, new partner and family lied in affidavits. Her new partner was caught lying over a couple of significant issues. This was ignored by the judge and in fact the one of his lies had a negative impact for me with final outcome.
My Ex lied in court, brought out the tears during the hearing and the magistrate straight away took note and his final decision has made account for here emotional outburst. I was told that nothing but the affidavit will be taken into account....wrong!!!
I had the misconception that to lie to the court was an offense....Wrong!!!
My lawyer had had previous experience with this magistrate and had tried to prepare me for a female biased magistrate....I thought she was joking.
I have lost all respect for the courts and those who are part of the system.
In my experience; the court is biased toward women and open to lies and hearsay.
in my experience; lie and you win.
NOTE: This has been my experience and my opinions are based on this.
Sorry to hear about your situation Rodney, but as you will start finding; there are a lot of us out here. Join the club.
Don't let the unfairness get you down. you can walk away being proud that you told the truth. This is what I still remind myself on a daily basis.
Regards
Jeff
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