NSW Dad takes child off mum and refuses access

[Antonette]

I the mum, have my daughter full time, and sometimes the father takes my daughter off of me for his various reasons and refuses to give her back. It has happened a couple of times now, so I would like to know if anyone's been through this and if so, how did they manage to take their power back?
Ant

 

[Atticus]

Are there parenting orders or a parenting plan in place?

Doe's the father see the child regularly? How many days + nights per fortnight does the child spend with dad?

How old is the child?

 

[sammy01]

yep - more detail.... how long does the kid spend with dad? How long does he keep her? Do you have daughter full time by court order, or because you wont let dad have time unless it is by your rules?

It isn't about taking power back... Surely there is an argument here ( depending on circumstance) that you have the power here and dad's time is limited. NOT ABOUT POWER...

Sorry to be blunt but your post kida reads like you wanna tell dad when he sees his kid and you don't much like it when he does the same to you... Again, sorry if I'm mistaken but that is how your post reads.

 

[Antonette]

Are there parenting orders or a parenting plan in place?

Doe's the father see the child regularly? How many days + nights per fortnight does the child spend with dad?

How old is the child?

Up until a week ago today, he was living out at a well known criminal-activity house/ drug dealer. Within the 4 months he has lived there he has been for a significant time, high. I still allowed access, the child is 3 years old. When he moved out of this drug dealers house, he moved to his mums, and I gave him the child Saturday morning with the pre-tense of having her back on the Sunday. He took her out of spite, and refused access to me, up until Wednesday. He would spend days with the child with me, or his family. Only once alone, because of the circumstances where he was living; on weekends he would come and see her.

 

[Antonette]

yep - more detail.... how long does the kid spend with dad? How long does he keep her? Do you have daughter full time by court order, or because you wont let dad have time unless it is by your rules?

It isn't about taking power back... Surely there is an argument here ( depending on circumstance) that you have the power here and dad's time is limited. NOT ABOUT POWER...

Sorry to be blunt but your post kida reads like you wanna tell dad when he sees his kid and you don't much like it when he does the same to you... Again, sorry if I'm mistaken but that is how your post reads.

Up until a week ago he would spend a day with him on the weekends, mostly with me around, he liked to 'do it as a family'. It always involved in it ending telling me 'i will go find someone else if you don't want to be with me' which is pressure to get back with him. Up until a week ago, he was living at a property of a well known criminal/drug dealer, and has been taking serious drugs while being there, he was high quite regularly.
So on last Friday night he started staying at his mothers house, he convinced me to have dinner out there with him, which i did, it was getting late and he then wanted me to spend the night there with him, and still proceeds to ask me to spend the night with him. So on Saturday morning he rings up and asks to come pick the child up for the day, i agree. He arrives and says he is having her overnight, I'm fine with that, expecting to get her back that Sunday. Instead i start getting a barrage of messages saying 'if you don't get back with me you can't have the child back' and everything in-between. I was refused access, getting spiteful, aggressive msgs all of Monday. By Tuesday afternoon he'd calmed down and let me come and see her. I went over to his mums, and again when i went to leave he tells me to stay out there with him, non-the-less he agreed to let me have the child from Wednesday night on-wards. I do not in any case keep her away from him, I've always encouraged him to be a big part of the childs life. No court order, just full custody at centrelink. thank you for taking your time

 

[sammy01]

ok so look, the system is pretty busted. You can ask him to agree to a parenting plan. But it is not legally enforceable. You can get consent orders, but again, if he keeps the kid in contravention of the order the cops won't do anything more than a welfare check AND you will have to apply for a recovery order through court.

My advice... Minimise all contact. Text messages about drop off time / pick up time and anything directly related to the kid NOTHING ELSE.

I'm guessing you ended the relationship? So you're already moving on.... He is adjusting to the fact that the relationship is over. Given the concerns about drugs, I'd suggest you agree to 1 night a week and some day time on weekends or after school. Basically offer a pattern of care, a routine and request it be followed.

 

[Atticus]

Up until a week ago today, he was living out at a well known criminal-activity house/ drug dealer

So as he is no longer living there, that's not a problem... BTW, make an anonymous report to police regrading the house if you are sure there is criminal activity going on.

So a couple of points to be made first.... Centrelink doesn't grant custody, full or otherwise... In the eyes of the law, unless you have orders made that say different, both parents have equal & shared parental responsibility, & the CHILD has the right to a meaningful relationship with BOTH parents, whether they are together or separated...Your ex may be your ex but he is still your child's dad..

What to do... First of all it's not about 'power'.... Him keeping the child & making ultimatums is not okay.... Likewise you only allowing the child access at your say so is not okay.... Some of his actions may be in part a result of frustration with the later along with adjusting to the separation. So what you need is an agreement about days & times that dad & child can spend some amount of time together... That is best done as a properly set out parenting plan. There are organizations such as relationships Australia that can help you put together a PP.

Between the ages of 2 - 5 is when most children form close relationships. It's important that a child of that age be given enough time to form that kind of relationship... A week can be a very long time for a child of this age, so if you could agree to something along the lines of What Sammy has suggested, ie, at least 1 overnight a week & with some additional time midweek if possible...

Hopefully a set routine in writing may help remove some of the frustration around access times