NSW Consent Orders - What to Do When Ex Refuses to Sign?

[sydman110]

Hi All,

I know it's Christmas time and everyone is busy with their loved ones and I may not get replies to my post quickly.

Just to give you an idea - we are separated, unfortunately, after 14 years of marriage with 3 children 14,11 & 8. I was the sole earner and built a new home in 2013 and sold after separation in July 2016. I have been trying to resolve the property matter since a year now and agreed to her demands that children just see me on Saturday mornings till evenings. Also agreed to take about 30% of matrimonial loans on me so that it gives her bigger amount figure from net asset pool, agreed to give her 70% of net asset pool plus 50% of superannuation, and I will be eventually left with minimal.

My decision was just for the sake of my children.

She agreed and I have instructed my lawyer to draft consent orders and send them to sign. To my surprise she denied to sign it, stating that I am having some property somewhere in Australia. That seems too silly to me and my lawyer has advised me to start an initiating application in family court. I have already wasted 1 year of time, interest on matrimonial debts plus legal fee.

I have initiated an application in family court.

One more surprise to me is that she changed her lawyer and her lawyer again sent me a letter asking again for the same documents which I had provided earlier... Wat shall I do now? Can I advise them about the one year negotiation I did with her previous lawyer and consider those documents?

I just do not want to waste one more year again to save at least a bit of money for my children's needs but she couldn't understand.

Your comments will be appreciated.

Thanks & best regards

 

[AllForHer]

Uuuh, okay, so...if you actually do consent orders for what you've described above, you will very much be getting the raw end of the deal, and frankly, the kids are going to get more from seeing you more often than one day a week than they will from whatever you stand to lose negotiating for a fairer outcome.

My opinion is to get legal advice of your own. You have to as part of a property settlement, anyway, so may as well do it now.

 

[sydman110]

Uuuh, okay, so...if you actually do consent orders for what you've described above, you will very much be getting the raw end of the deal, and frankly, the kids are going to get more from seeing you more often than one day a week than they will from whatever you stand to lose negotiating for a fairer outcome.

My advice is to get legal advice of your own. You have to as part of a property settlement, anyway, so may as well do it now.

Thanks for that, I have got advice from my lawyer and they said I should seek 100% matrimonial debts payments and 45% for me and 55% to wife from the net asset pool. I have requested the court in the affidavit the same now.

I have relieved my lawyer at this stage and will be self representing in the court. Don't know how that goes.

 

[sammy01]

Do you want more time with the kids?

Is she living in the matrimonial home? Give a bit more detail and you will get better opinions.

But - changing solicitors is an interesting indicator... Generally it means that the ex didn't like the advice she was getting. It possibly means it was good advice, just not what she wanted to hear. She will get similar advice from the next solicitor.

Just out of interest, is there any chance the first solicitor was legal aid?

Mate don't let yourself get screwed over by foolishly thinking that it is for the kids. When you're having a holiday in a caravan and she is in Bali, you will know you made a mistake... As it will be your money she is spending in Bali...

 

[sydman110]

do you want more time with the kids?
Is she living in the matrimonial home? Give a bit more detail and you will get better advice.
But - changing solicitors is an interesting indicator... Generally it means that the ex didn't like the advice she was getting.... It possibly means it was good advice, just not what she wanted to hear. She will get similar advice from the next solicitor.... Just out of interest is there any chance the first solicitor was legal aid????

Mate don't let yourself get screwed over by foolishly thinking that it is for the kids.... When you're having a holiday in a caravan and she is in Bali you will know you made a mistake... As it will be your money she is spending in Bali...

Yes obviously I need more time with kids.

We sold the matrimonial home and she is living with her cousin in a 3x3 room and sleeping on the ground with my 3 children in a 2 b/r unit sharing with her cousin with 2 children.

Her first lawyer told her the offer given by me was best for her to accept, but unfortunately she didn't sign because there was a clause in consent orders that we both indemnify each other of future properties and liabilities.

Yea I think it was a legal aid lawyer, but why does that make a difference?

Now, I have initiated an application with family court seeking interim and final orders for children and property because my debts keep on growing as interest is accumulating since one year and in the verge of losing my credit file.

Her new lawyer is asking again for the same old details from me. Can I advise her to collect it from the previous lawyer or is it incumbent on me to provide again what the new lawyer is asking?

Thanks a lot.

 

[sammy01]

Ok so first solicitor was legal aid... Second not. What is the difference? First one is free, second one is not... So all of a sudden she has to pay for legal advice and it is not cheap. It is much easier to be dismissive of advice when it is free.

So not signing because of the no indemnity clause is dumb... Stuff like that is just common practice.... When she is paying a solicitor for that advice rather than getting it for free, her attitude will change. Or legal aid cancelled her funding because she was being difficult - we will never know and it doesn't really matter...

So you want this thing sorted fast? Then send the new solicitor the paperwork. Do you have to? Don't know... But is it worth the fight? Nope - especially if you're in a hurry to settle..

My opinion? Get the paperwork together... Send it with a proposal around kids and assets. Make it a fair offer.

Tell us about the kids. How are they travelling? Do you think they want more time with dad? How much time can you realistically manage? What about school holidays?

Mate I'm a teacher so my hours are pretty good. One thing I've learnt is I have no idea how normal people working 9-5 do it... Even with teaching hours this single parenting thing is hard work...

But - get the paperwork - write back to the solicitor, be nice. Ask questions here about how to do it. But that letter is gonna be about 2000 words give or take. Last time I checked solicitors charge at $40 per 100 words... All of a sudden, the ex is getting huge legal bills and that might be the motivator for her to play nice...

Now so far, I reckon I sound like a real nasty piece of work...

So - when I went through this I had similar dumb stuff. She agreed to sign - then refused, wanted more wanted changes that were irrelevant all the while we were burning money on solicitors. I felt sorry for her and the asset division was more than fair.... In fact I let myself get screwed over but guess what.. She didn't think so, in fact she thought I screwed her over....

So the lesson here? No matter how generous you are, exs are more likely to show less gratitude than more... In my case the kids were told by her that she could not afford stuff because of me.... But - I still encourage you to play nice, try and be reasonable because that is a good lesson for your kids and the way we behave as adults when the kids are not watching matters just as much as what we do when they are watching....

So start writing that letter to the solicitor... do it yourself, do not pay a solicitor. Go on dare ya.

 

[sydman110]

Ok so first solicitor was legal aid... Second not. What is the difference... First one is free second one is not... So all of a sudden she has to pay for legal advice and it is not cheap... It is much easier to be dismissive of advice when it is free... So not signing because of the no indemnity clause is dumb... Stuff like that is just common practice.... When she is paying a solicitor for that advice rather than getting it for free, her attitude will change.


OR legal aid cancelled her funding because she was being difficult - we will never know and it doesn't really matter...

So you want this thing sorted fast? Then send the new solicitor the paperwork. Do you have to? don't know... But is it worth the fight? nope - especially if you're in a hurry to settle..

My advice? get the paperwork together... send it with a proposal around kids and assets.... Make it a fair offer. Tell us about the kids. How are they travelling? do you think they want more time with dad? How much time can you realistically manage? what about school holidays? Mate I'm a teacher so my hours are pretty good. One thing I've learnt is I have no idea how normal people working 9-5 do it... Even with teaching hours this single parenting thing is hard work...

but- get the paperwork - write back to solicitor be nice - ask questions here about how to do it. But that letter is gonna be about 2000 words give or take. Last time I checked solicitors charge at $40 per 100 words... All of a sudden the ex is getting huge legal bils and that might be the motivator for her to play nice...

Now so far I reckon I sound like a real nasty piece of work... So - when I went through this I had similar dumb stuff. She agreed to sign - then refused, wanted more wanted changes that were irrelevant all the while we were burning money on solicitors. I felt sorry for her and the asset division was more than fair.... in fact I let myself get screwed over BUT guess what.. She didn't think so, in fact she thought I screwed her over.... So the lesson here? no matter how generous you are, ex's are more likely to show less gratitude than more... In my case the kids were told by her that she could not afford stuff because of me.... BUT - I still encourage you to play nice, try and be reasonable because that is a good lesson for your kids and the way we behave as adults when the kids are not watching matters just as much as what we do when they are watching....

so start writing that letter to the solicitor... do it yourself, do not pay a solicitor.... go on dare ya.

Thank you so much for your guidance mate. I will provide all the dox they are asking. Earlier in consent orders I offered her 30/70 and now in the court initiating application I have mentioned 45/55 of net asset pool. And also I have requested court to pay of all the matrimonial debts 100% because earlier I accepted 70% of debts that are on my name and 100% of debts on her name, obviously all the debts were for the family only.

I don’t know what to expect in court on the first attendance which is on 15th Jan.

Thanks and best regards

 

[sammy01]

Are you including time with kids in the court application? You should.

 

[sydman110]

are you including time with kids in the court application? you should

Yes, I am including kids in the application 3 nights a fortnight. Friday after school to Monday before school.

 

[sammy01]

You could get more time if you wanted it...