NSW Child Visitation Rights After Separation?

[markw]

My wife and I have recently separated (8 weeks ago).

We have discussed initially that I will see our daughter every Saturday. However, a month ago I was suicidal to myself (thoughts only) and this has been cleared and I feel much better now. Even my GP and counsellor have seen that.

Due to this, my wife is saying she will be present at every time I spend time with E - she claims to have legal advice. I was wondering how true this is as I have heard that without the courts, I have the right to private time with her.

We both don't want to get the family court involved but if I am unable to have private time with her, then I will have no choice.

 

[Lance]

Hi,

Yes you have a right to see your daughter but there is nothing to prevent your ex-wife stopping that at a whim if you don't have a consent order / court order in place. Unfortunately without orders you are approaching the whole arrangement from a position of weakness.

While you choose not to believe it your ex may have sought legal advice and I would suggest it might be a good idea. Unfortunately even when you go to setup a parenting plan your ex may push the supervised visitation. You might be able to seek some assistance from Dad's in distress Dads in Distress or one of the other dad help services.

 

[AllForHer]

Well, actually, you don't have any rights, but your kid does, which is to know, spend time and communicate with you on a regular basis, insofar as her best interests can be met. Without any Court orders, though, I'm afraid this is fairly immaterial because parents can do whatever they want if the Court isn't involved, meaning that right now, there isn't much you can do to insist on unsupervised time.

So, if you go to Court, you're probably going to get a better deal than two days a week (and no overnights, I assume). Where the situation is fairly workable, most dads end up with more like five nights a fortnight.

First step is to organise a family dispute resolution conference to see if you can negotiate an outcome with the mother. If you can't, then you'll get a certificate to say you've tried, and you can proceed to Court.

 

[Rod]

By the same token you could have your daughter live with you and the mother would be forced to go to court to get access again.

You need to take a firmer stance or you will be walked all over and your daughter will spend much less time with you.

 

[sammy01]

OK so the best option - mediation... But also try to learn to play along with the game...

She says you're not fit to be alone with child? Go back to doctor / counsellor, ask for a letter. Try to get something with minimal detail. Just - a medical certificate that states you're fit for work and fit to have unsupervised visits with the child.... If you can get that and give it to the ex, you're then in a situation where you can clearly establish that she isn't letting you see the kid because she doesn't want you to see her...

I would suggest if you get the certificate, you scan it and send it via email, so there can be no dispute - she cant lie and say you never gave it to her...

Mate it is all about playing the game... So for example - technically, there is nothing stopping you from picking up the kid from pre-school. No law against it... But the ex will go nuts and that won't help your cause long term...

Most importantly, my friend, look after yourself... Been there done that - toughest days of my life... Go easy on yourself and get as much real world help as you can.

 

[Rod]

Using a medical certificate is a two edged sword. Implies something was wrong.

In my view it is better to not raise an issue if it not currently an issue, rather than try to defend an obvious line of attack if it is exposed. A risk averse judge may still see a risk despite you having a medical certificate saying otherwise.

Agree with Sammy's comment about getting better. A lot of us divorced blokes have been there and got through the other side. It does get better with time.

 

[teflongirl]

Courts don't really care about the stigma attached to mental health these days and so it is important that you show you are doing the right thing.

 

[MartyK]

I'm just wondering what kind of mental health professional "clears" a person having suicidal thoughts within a month? How many appointments is that?

Sorry to say but I fully agree with the mother (mother's lawyer) that at this point in time your continued mental wellness is far more important than "alone time". I believe if it went to Court the judge would also agree (at this point in time at least).

Maybe a family member (of yours) could supervise, temporarily, while you have a few more appointments and attend to your own health? Dad being well is also a good thing and important to your child!

Good luck

 

[teflongirl]

But unsupervised access creates good mental health.

 

[MartyK]

But unsupervised access creates good mental health.

Sure, it can assist. But it does not address the underlying issues. In a country where statistics say that approximately 6 males (various age groups) per day suicide, it is never good to be complacent. OP is presently seeing his child and the matter is not in Court. Hopefully it does not end up there. Sometimes the best long term solutions can be those that may cause us the most short term frustration.