Changing federal court custody orders

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Lasthope

Active Member
9 June 2017
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Trn years ago my ex husband took me to court for custody of our young children, as the new shared parenting laws had just come in he was awarded 50:50 shared care. This has not worked in our case with both children suffering from clinical anxiety. Our son is 18 and has chooses to live with his dad, our daughter is 13 and wants to live with me however her dad has always played mind games with the children and he is telling me one thing but telling her something else, he says things like " if you live with yr mum you will be tearing our family apart"
Our daughter is very sensitive and doesn't want to hurt her dad but still wants to live with me. He tells me if that's what she really wants then we will discuss it.
What I am wanting to know is that if we both agree that she tries living with me, do we need to do anything about the orders
And secondly, if he doesn't agree but she really wants to, what do I need to do? If she refuses to go back to her dads what will happen
Thankyou so much
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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For the Court to consider changing parenting orders, you need to show there has been a significant change in circumstances or that the orders are no longer in the best interests of the child. It's a difficult threshold to meet where there hasn't been any material change in circumstances (such as relocation or incarceration, etc.).

To open a case though, you first need to attempt a family dispute resolution conference with your ex to try and negotiate a parenting plan (which can be changed into consent orders to override the existing orders). If I may, you could consider a child-inclusive conference, which means the child's views will be provided to both of you by an expert who has spoken with her, so you can make your decisions with that in mind.

If you can't agree, you'll be given the s 60I certificate to file an initiating application with the Court. It's impossible to predict an outcome if you take it to Court.

The other option is, as you've suggested, just to ignore the orders and let her stay with you. There comes a point for nearly every child where the Court accepts they will vote with their feet, so if you contravene and dad decides to file for a contravention order, the Court may simply take that as an opportunity to change the orders to reflect the child's wishes anyway.

Or dad might not file a contravention order at all. Personally, I think he would be silly if he did.
 

Lasthope

Active Member
9 June 2017
5
0
31
Thankyou so much
So if we both agree to her living with me is there anything we need to do re:court orders
I saw a solicitor years ago who said unless I can prove abuse then its not worth even trying to go back to court
Naturally with my daughter being a teenage girl,she wants to be with her Mum
She has been through so much emotional abuse and I just want to get her away from it. She has bad anxiety,self harms and is medicated,its a very hard situation
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Arrested i wish.... nope. Look it would be best to get an agreement or for daughter to spend some time with dad... do mediation. Try and get an agreement. But if daughter refuses to go... so be it. Dad will have to apply to court and as mentioned it might not be worth his while..
One thing try and be sensitive. See when i read your post i see a fair bit of dad bashing language. Hard to do but putting personal grievance aside is the best thing you can do..
 

Lasthope

Active Member
9 June 2017
5
0
31
No "Dad bashing" at all, Im just frustrated that he has so much hatred for me that he cannot see past that and says things to the children that he shouldnt which have effected them mentally
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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So call him out on it... With my ex I have informed her that the comments that the kids repeat are not ok. I inform the ex that I have either chosen to ignore the negatives, OR told her that I have discussed it with the kids. Sometimes you just can't win..
The other option is to bring it up at mediation.

Look it is hard work and the last thing we want is for relationships to be ruined.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Get a parenting plan at least, so you have some evidence of agreement if there is a change of residency, but the general rule is that Court orders are only effective in absence of agreement. If you agree, you can do whatever you agree on. If you don't, you follow the orders.

Can you be arrested for kidnapping? God no. Family law tries, as best it can in an adversarial system, to be non-adversarial. Except where's there's been violence or kids have gone off the radar, the Court prefers to keep police involvement avoided as much as possible.
 

Lasthope

Active Member
9 June 2017
5
0
31
So call him out on it... With my ex I have informed her that the comments that the kids repeat are not ok. I inform the ex that I have either chosen to ignore the negatives, OR told her that I have discussed it with the kids. Sometimes you just can't win..
The other option is to bring it up at mediation.

Look it is hard work and the last thing we want is for relationships to be ruined.


I call him out on it, in fact in the family report the psychologist said he needed to stop it as it was effecting the children, my daughters psychologist also told him that he needs to stop but the truth is no one can control what he says behind closed doors