VIC At a loss to know what to do..15 yr old with medical issues

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Berty

Member
13 May 2018
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Victoria
Hi,

I have a nearly 14 yo daughter who relocated 100km away 5 years ago with mother whom had split up with me maybe 8 yrs ago. I got a mediation session at relocation when they moved and had still been seeing my daughter up to late last year. No court orders in place or formally written into consent order. All had been fine up to late last year.

Late last year the mother withdrew her from school, due to anxiety. Daughter started seeing headspace, they had concerns for level of medication and suggested a complete assessment. Her mother withdrew her from this. Psychiatrist early this year, issued a certificate that she was too sick to to go to school. Was told that i wasn't wanted at the this doctor and had to fight to be there. Daughter still hasn't been to new school properly she enrolled in this year.... Dept of education cant help, due to at a catholic school. Catholic School is trying their best they told me and will keep me informed, nothing

Daughter claims she stills wants to see me , but likes to sleep in her own bed and is stresses with things. She is being a teenager.. May see her once every month for a few hours and is declining, she is often stressed and anxious.

Various medical professionals have expressed grave concerns as well as myself. Child First who act for Child protection apologized to me and said they only can act for the primary carer and suggested i go an get my daughter to which I refused as will only add to trauma.

As there is no court order their is a presumption of shared parental responsibility. At the previous mediation it was the mother agreed to keep me informed via email of issues with my daughter. She is not doing this.

I keep getting told when daughter is 15 she can do what she wants, I get that. Her mother tells me is not her responsibility to look after father/daughter relationship, and my daughter can make decisions herself. My concern is that i cannot get shared information regarding care and support of my daughter from the mother or help from professionals and there seems to be nothing mother is doing to support or encourage my daughter to see me and very slow at trying to get her back to school from little information I am told.

She is at a critical age and withdrawing and her mother tells me that it is not her responsibility to initiate communication with me and my daughter. I am not given information or decision making for my daughter with some of these major issues.

I keep getting told there is nothing realistically I can do. My daughter is about to turn 15. When she turns 16 she gets a choice. It will take 6 months to get to court (so will be too late as she will nearly be 16) cost $50k plus, also the court may or may not get an independent doctor to asses help her.

No matter where I turn i cant get help or support... I cant just sign off from my daughter which in a way is what is happening as the little contact is alienating me and I am not being encouraged to get time to be a father... I am very concerned for her mental, physical and social well being and upbringing..

I can understand she may not want to come live with me, it could be my wife she doesn't get along well with? I believe she has been turned against me with some of what has happened. The mother

Is there a court or parenting order that can be done "realistically" that can enforce the mother including me in the communication and or decisions as a minimum? She keeps telling people when it comes to the crunch time that she will communicate but nothing is happening. I feel that she is biding her time and saying what is needed to keep me or other happy. Do i need to go back to the mediator and say i am not being kept up with email issues from the mother as agreed, and to please issue a form to say that mediation has failed as this is not happening?

I can see why so many fathers that actually want to do something and help can feel helpless/frustrated and want to end it . There is so little support for fathers, all i want is to be included in my daughters life, but it seems I may be creating more trauma as I could be now seen as interfering as I am on the "outer".

Speaking to friends that have legal acquaintances and other fathers gone through this, I am getting told there is nothing that can be done, anything now will be fruitless as they will just speak to your daughter, if she has been alienated i cant do anything due to her age, they will take her views very soon... this is the system... if i did something when my daughter was 8 or 10 it would have been different. Everything was fine back then..

Can someone give me a clear, realistic direction forward? Or do I just have to accept that there is nothing I can do and try and manage the impact it will have on me through medical professionals :(

Thank You..
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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2,894
So some factual errors.
1. At 15 /16 /17 kid can decide... Nope - they're opinion matters that is all... They can't decide.. That is 18...

So stay calm and keep reading.
You're on a hiding to nothing with court - you'll get an order for weekly phone calls (maybe) and mother keep father informed.
But if she doesn't what then? The courts wont punish mum - and you've spent thousands on getting nowhere.

My advice? I hate giving it... But here it is.. See if the kid would agree to go on holidays with you... mate if you're thinking about spending $thousands on court, spend it on a holiday... Go Gala, a week in Bali... So no legal advice here. Amateur child psychologist... You've only got so long with kids - true... She will be all grown up in no time... Give her a holiday, just you and her... something memorable. But there are a few other wins... A chance to reconnect with the kid and give her a small dose of reality. While I dont discount the anxiety issue, not even a little... But exposure to the realities of third world countries, a break from her current set of world problems and some time with dad.... Might work, might not. Chances are mum will be the biggest obstacle but worth a try because the legal system ain't gonna give you any better solutions.

So when mum says no... you can remind her that it is not her responsibility to look after the daughter/father relationship... That is your responsibility and she is inhibiting your attempts to spend quality time with the kid.. Compelling argument that she will ignore... But try.

Manage that and maybe you could sort an email address for her and keep in contact via email... You can let her know that you just want to know about what is going on in her life. Don't put mum down... Just let her know that you're a dad and how hard it is to have limited info. At 14 it is reasonable to have those sorts of young adult conversations...

Again, not legal advice - just a bloke who understands where you're coming from...
 
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