NSW Alternate Weekends: Is 3 hours apart too far?

[RAM7778]

Hi,
Hoping someone has some experience on this one.
We are about to embark on trying to get orders in place, however the distance between us and the mother is roughly 280 kilometers. We would like to propose every second weekend and 1/2 of School Holidays. How do the courts view such distance do we have a chance at all asking for this?
Intention would be for both parties to meet 1/2 way for change over at say 6pm that way everyone is back home by 7:30 kids ages are 16, 9 and 6

 

[sammy01]

So if mum and dad agree then there is no need to worry about distances.
So my thinking is less to do with what the courts would think... It is the practical reality... 16 yr old has been invited to a birthday party / gets a part time job on Saturdays. 9 year old want to play soccer... Has mum moved already? Is there co-operation here?

 

[RAM7778]

Nope mum and don't don't agree, hence the question around the courts views as that is exactly where it's heading.
16 year old we get may be every now and then but the little ones it needs to be consistent. Mum doesn't believe in kids playing sport or being away from her at all.
Both parents moved from QLD, Dad went to Sydney and Mum went to ACT. Youngest was just over 1 at the time.

There was a few months where dad didn't see the kids as mum took a bit longer to relocate, agreement was dad would spend time with the kids every second weekend with mum around to rebuild the relationship and bond due to their young age. Mum has now kept it that way since, and just keeps saying no the kids are ready to spend time with you alone maybe in 6 months, then maybe in another 6 months.

Will make note, never once been an issue with AVO, DVO absolutely nothing at all. In short mum doesn't like the fact that Dad has moved on and has new partner, mum words are she is nothing and my children do not need to know her or her kids. It's not about what's best for the kids it's purely about mum.

 

[Harry De Elle]

The courts will encourage parties to resolve such issues to the best of their abilities (s63B of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) keeping in mind the best interest of the children, their rights and welfare are sacrosanct, a paramount consideration which the court refers to as the 'paramount principle': ss 60CA and s63B(e) of the FLA. If parental orders are sought from the court they will consider all the factors that go to the 'best interest' of the children and is it reasonably practicable when considering orders for equal shared responsibility or substantial and significant time: s65DA(3).....They will ask themselves. what is the parents Current and future capacity to implement the arrangements, the parents current and future capacity to communicate with each other, the impact of the arrangement on the children. If parents have goodwill then these arrangements will work out without the courts involvement.

 

[sammy01]

Harry has nailed the legislation. Practical reality. Sounds like you guys are grown up's... You understand 16 yr old might only do once a month. So orders where eldest visits 'by agreement' and orders for the younger kids to do alternate weekends is pretty reasonable.

So what is happening with school holidays atm?

I'd advise putting in an application to court asap.
This site will help
Going to Court - tips for your court hearing - Family Court of Australia

Sometimes just applying to court is enough. Nutters hate the idea of someone else telling them what is gonna happen with the kids. She just might want to avoid that reality by offering you some time.

 

[RAM7778]

We think it is reasonable and although not ideal 3 hour trip for the younger kids isn't huge but I was worried courts may not see it that way.

School holidays again spend time with Dad is absolutely nothing, Dad gets to drive 3 hours to ACT to spend 2-3 hours with the kids whilst mum is present.

We have started the mediation process with Relationships Australia, of course that takes time but as soon as we get the certificate we will make an application to the court.

You absolutely nailed it. "Nutter" Mum got the letter from Relationships Australia yesterday, OMG my partner had her on speaker that is 1 hour and 45 minutes of my life I will never get back. She said if you do this the kids are going to hate you, they don't want to go with you and they don't want to meet your new family." "If you make them go they will hate you and you will lose them forever" The threats were just non stop. Then when they didn't work she tried being all nice. "okay if you stop pursuing this I promise we will sit down and talk. Do you know how many times that has happened and still we get told the kids aren't ready to spend time with you without me, lets see how they go over the next 6 months.

Needless to say it was made very clear to her that we will be going through the process and dragging her arse in front of Your Honour if absolutely necessary.

 

[sammy01]

Yeah the whole MY children don't like YOUR new family argument aint gonna float.

Now pay attention... The best thing about the nutter being the ex is you don't have to give a fcuk what they think. I dont doubt that if you stop pursing this she will sit down and talk... She will talk and talk and talk.... But you won't be seeing the kids.
Get mediation done then get the court application done. You can self represent and still get a good result.

 

[RAM7778]

Nope it won't, she is going to get nailed.....She told us last night that if we pursue this she is going to tell all 3 kids about us going to Relationships Australia and the whole process. We made it very clear to her that it is not in the best interest of the children for her to do such a thing. Tried to make her understand that children should never be part of, included or overhear adult conversations. I pray to god for those kids she actually took it on board but her response was I don't hind anything from my kids, I will be telling them and they will get to have a say and choose what they want.

You're 100% correct all she did last night was talk and talk and talk trying to convince my partner to stop mediation, round and round in circles he went. In the end he had to be blunt and terminate the call.

We were thinking of engaging a solicitor purely for the initial communication and filing of documents but then self represent. The worst thing my partner has against his name is a speeding ticket so it's not like we are up against AVO, DVO, or mental health arguments. It's simply mum is a nut job and think that the children are possessions and pawns.

 

[Harry De Elle]

Any resolution needs to start from a genuine and good faith basis. Approaching it from an adversarial perspective will further alienate parties. The interests of the children are paramount. It might be hard but leave egos outside and focus on the real issues, the children.

 

[RAM7778]

Nope it won't, she is going to get nailed.....She told us last night that if we pursue this she is going to tell all 3 kids about us going to Relationships Australia and the whole process. We made it very clear to her that it is not in the best interest of the children for her to do such a thing. Tried to make her understand that children should never be part of, included or overhear adult conversations. I pray to god for those kids she actually took it on board but her response was I don't hind anything from my kids, I will be telling them and they will get to have a say and choose what they want.

You're 100% correct all she did last night was talk and talk and talk trying to convince my partner to stop mediation, round and round in circles he went. In the end he had to be blunt and terminate the call.

We were thinking of engaging a solicitor purely for the initial communication and filing of documents but then self represent. The worst thing my partner has against his name is a speeding ticket so it's not like we are up against AVO, DVO, or mental health arguments. It's simply mum is a nut job and think that the children are possessions and pawns.

We are definitely approaching this on a good faith basis, we have 50/50 shared care of my 2 sons. We make it work we all turn up to soccer and school events, if one side can't pick up the 15 year old from work or running late we help each other out no matter who's week it is. We don't really like each other all that much but showing the kids that we are united and they come first is far more important than us liking each other.

Unfortunately the mothers attitude in this situation is extremely selfish, naïve and not in the best interest of her children. As a mother myself who put 50/50 straight up on the table I find it frustrating and hard to comprehend as a mother how she can do that to 3 innocent little humans. They didn't ask to be born and it is their right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. It is their right to be able to love both their parents equally without the feeling of guilt or feel they have to choose.