Hi all,
I am a father of 3 kids aged 9yo, 5yo and 6 months old. She is 38 and im 43
I have just started a well paying job full time after a year of sporadic work. De facto is on maternity leave at the moment
She wants separation and has demanded I leave house and kids with her, which we bought together 5 years ago. We have been in de facto relationship for 11 years and rented prior to buying the house. I have been paying about 70-80% of costs (mortgage, bills, child costs etc) on average as she has been working part time due to young kids at home that she cares for.
She has been very abusive and manipulative including triangulating the kids in arguments when i have been trying to get away from her during her rages. She often tries to block my path while staring me down and dares me to touch her. I got 15 min free legal aid advise a month ago to stay in the house until we negotiate a settlement, if I can tolerate it.
I told her im staying in the house while we separate and I can either cordon off a small section of the house for myself or move into the garage because I don't have enough money to pay the mortgage AND rent at the same time. The response from her was rage, accusations, and threatening text messages. She then said she will move out "happily" in a years time but for now I should "do what is right" and get out of the house and stay away.
She has fabricated scenarios where she calls her father to come over and sleep in our house because she "doesn't feel safe in the house with me". She has done this numerous times and tells him that i was being verbally abusive and dangerous.
She has accused me of abuse and manipulation (which she does to me covertly) and told my friends that she is afraid of me; they saw through it luckily. They have supported me brilliantly and know what she is like
I have never been violent with her or the kids in any way and have no prior court orders or anything like that
She has always played the victim and her family enables her behaviour.
Her mother has been trying to convince her to get an AVO against me behind my back while being very polite to my face. Mother has a history of meddling in others relationships and has left a trail of destruction in her wake. Father is complete submissive and controlled by her mother.
De facto partner accessed my phone and deleted her abusive and threatening text messages but i have screenshots as evidence should I need it. She read private correspondence between me and friends and family.
She is refusing to discuss or negotiate anything related to the separation; Mediation is next month.
So my questions are as follows:
1. Could I place a lock on the door to the downstairs room to stop her from entering to start arguments with me? i can move into the garage but there is no toilet or shower in there. I don't have a lot of money to spend to install them. I really cannot afford to pay for her lifestyle and for my rent at the same time.
2. Should I be concerned about her lies regarding my alleged abuse? She hasn't gone to the police at any stage or atleast I think that is the case. She might be trying to scare me out of the house. I have been staying calm and cool as possible.
3. She is demanding I pay the mortgage and bills even if I move out but she is not willing to show me her account and i don't know what she is paying for at the moment. I suspect she is saving the money for herself. I know that she has just spent $550 on online dating app yet she tells everyone how poor she is and that i dont give her any money. What is considered fair in the eyes of the court in this case?
4. I try to ignore her rage and threats against me, but should I report them to the police? I have plenty of evidence in the form of text messages. I fear it will aggravate her further and she will go ballistic. This terrifies the kids and want to avoid this if possible.
5. I think she will tell many lies during mediation. She is very charming and convincing and I am sure she will fool a less experienced mediator; She fooled me for 10 years and i'm not stupid! Does this have repercussions for me or is mediation discussions not factored into the family court proceedings?
6. Anything else I need to consider?
Thank for listening,
William
I am a father of 3 kids aged 9yo, 5yo and 6 months old. She is 38 and im 43
I have just started a well paying job full time after a year of sporadic work. De facto is on maternity leave at the moment
She wants separation and has demanded I leave house and kids with her, which we bought together 5 years ago. We have been in de facto relationship for 11 years and rented prior to buying the house. I have been paying about 70-80% of costs (mortgage, bills, child costs etc) on average as she has been working part time due to young kids at home that she cares for.
She has been very abusive and manipulative including triangulating the kids in arguments when i have been trying to get away from her during her rages. She often tries to block my path while staring me down and dares me to touch her. I got 15 min free legal aid advise a month ago to stay in the house until we negotiate a settlement, if I can tolerate it.
I told her im staying in the house while we separate and I can either cordon off a small section of the house for myself or move into the garage because I don't have enough money to pay the mortgage AND rent at the same time. The response from her was rage, accusations, and threatening text messages. She then said she will move out "happily" in a years time but for now I should "do what is right" and get out of the house and stay away.
She has fabricated scenarios where she calls her father to come over and sleep in our house because she "doesn't feel safe in the house with me". She has done this numerous times and tells him that i was being verbally abusive and dangerous.
She has accused me of abuse and manipulation (which she does to me covertly) and told my friends that she is afraid of me; they saw through it luckily. They have supported me brilliantly and know what she is like
I have never been violent with her or the kids in any way and have no prior court orders or anything like that
She has always played the victim and her family enables her behaviour.
Her mother has been trying to convince her to get an AVO against me behind my back while being very polite to my face. Mother has a history of meddling in others relationships and has left a trail of destruction in her wake. Father is complete submissive and controlled by her mother.
De facto partner accessed my phone and deleted her abusive and threatening text messages but i have screenshots as evidence should I need it. She read private correspondence between me and friends and family.
She is refusing to discuss or negotiate anything related to the separation; Mediation is next month.
So my questions are as follows:
1. Could I place a lock on the door to the downstairs room to stop her from entering to start arguments with me? i can move into the garage but there is no toilet or shower in there. I don't have a lot of money to spend to install them. I really cannot afford to pay for her lifestyle and for my rent at the same time.
2. Should I be concerned about her lies regarding my alleged abuse? She hasn't gone to the police at any stage or atleast I think that is the case. She might be trying to scare me out of the house. I have been staying calm and cool as possible.
3. She is demanding I pay the mortgage and bills even if I move out but she is not willing to show me her account and i don't know what she is paying for at the moment. I suspect she is saving the money for herself. I know that she has just spent $550 on online dating app yet she tells everyone how poor she is and that i dont give her any money. What is considered fair in the eyes of the court in this case?
4. I try to ignore her rage and threats against me, but should I report them to the police? I have plenty of evidence in the form of text messages. I fear it will aggravate her further and she will go ballistic. This terrifies the kids and want to avoid this if possible.
5. I think she will tell many lies during mediation. She is very charming and convincing and I am sure she will fool a less experienced mediator; She fooled me for 10 years and i'm not stupid! Does this have repercussions for me or is mediation discussions not factored into the family court proceedings?
6. Anything else I need to consider?
Thank for listening,
William