NSW In desperate need of legal advice asap !!!!!URGENT!!!

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Samantha Wormleaton

Active Member
29 July 2019
11
0
31
Im in a very sticky and difficult situation. The gist and crucial information is as follows.
I had a pretty bad childhood come from a broken family. Moved out at 16 came across my official partner of the last 10 yrs at this age he was 24 then. Fell pregnant at 17 gave birth to our first son at 18 in 2009. Then we went on to have 4 more children the last 1 in October last year. He also has 5 other children to 2 previous relationships before me. The relationship we had was not a great 1 he was very physically abusive for the first 5 yrs. I was the only 1 who cleaned and looked after the house and did 99.9% of anything that involves raising chikdren. He literally did nothing but lay on the lounge on his phone all day. And now found out the whoke 10 yrs he spent chatting up other women online. I only ever spoke out once and had him charged when he smashed our sons cricket bat over my knee because he was claiming i was favouritising xavier over his son kurt because he was yet again playing very aggressively and unfairly with xavier. The whole entire so called relationship my ex favouritised his eldest son kurt that was not mine he is 6 yrs older than Xavier. My ex has always denied Xavier untill recently we had DNA testing done because of behavioural issues. Kurt has been very aggressive, violent and nasty towards him since Xavier was 8 months old when he punched him in the forehead and left a nasty bruise and lump. I also brought this to my ex's attention I was very distressed. But you could say he abused me over all the years that anything kurt did to Xavier I was always exaggerating and trying to make my ex choose between his sons. More recently on thev14th of April this year my ex and in had an argument and resulted in him trying to strangle me which Xavier I'm sure witnessed. I have photos of the marks around my throat but didn't go to the police yet again. The last 4 month's trying to leave him has been more hell than what the last 10 yrs with him was. He manipulates me, plays the victim, lies about me all over social media, behaves in a way in another car next to me that makes me and our children believe he will commit suicide if I don't go back to him, holds my children against me and uses them to control me, fills their head with lies about me using drugs. Every time I try to reach out to police for help with an AVO or something when he starts carrying on they look through msgs and say that he's not threatening you so there's nothing they can do. They have even got sick of me ringing that they take at least 4 hrs to arrive and when they eventually do he's already traumatised me and left and they now ask me what I want them to do. I have tried reaching out to FACS but was turned down several times and told to ring the line which I have numerous times raising my concerns for my children's safety whilst there and have told them what has happened. But still nothing has been done. I've tried to ring legal lines to get advice and more or less get back each time report to police and facs and there's no family law orders in place I can keep them if I fear for their safety. I feel so lost and helpless it feels like this man is really out to destroy me and our kids. When I first left in was always fair and have offered 50/50 even if we went to mediation above my personal instincts and better judgement i still offered this to him. I'm currently trying to write down a chronological order of things that has happened in the last 4 months so when legal aid finally appoint me a lawyer I can just hand that book to them. So I actually have 2 questions first 1 is what do i write down what is important things and what actually is relevant in family law court? I just don't want to go in there like a raving loon like he has made me put to be with no proof. And secondly during this separation Xavier who was 9 at the time confided in me and told me that when he was at his father's kurt then 15 had picked him up by the throat and threw him into a wall. I questioned my ex about this and he downplayed it yet again and told Xavier he was a liar and trying to cause trouble. Later on I expressed my fears for kurt being around our son to troy and that I dont want him anywhere near our children untill he soughts help for kurt which he agreed. But it is now 7 weeks from then my ex has done nothing to help kurt he is still in the house unsupervised a lot around my children and have learnt recently that kurt has hurt Xavier yet again and nothing was done by my ex he couldn't care less really. So question 2 is can I do anything a out this legally myself to protect my son? I'm so sorry for how long this is im just so confused about it all. I have no friends and no support really during this separation. And it is beginning to feel like my ex is trying to rip me apart piece by piece. I just want him to leave me alone so I can finally be happy and a great mother to my kids. But somehow someway he finds a way to drag us back down every single day for the last 4 month's and is manipulating the system. I feel so defenseless please help!
 

Samantha Wormleaton

Active Member
29 July 2019
11
0
31
That sounds so easy but only for the average person. My ex is truly a piece of work. He's actually been diagnosed and medicated for borderline personality disorder but hasn't taken medication for yrs. I have researched what he does and I swear he is a narcissist and during the last 4 months what feels like riding a roller coaster of death and living if I don't surrender to his cries for attention or don't give him any attention it's like he goes into narcissistic rage. About a month and a half ago I woke up to what he was doing to me and planned to leave for good there is no way in this world he would ever have let me go anywhere with the 5 of the children. So I had to pick which kids I could take and had the most fears for which were the 3 eldest. He don't like going to the movies so I lied and said that's were i was taking them. I was out I drove the opposite direction took the kids to flip out while I rang link2home and they gave us a motel room to monday. I allowed the kids to contact him via phone calls once a day. Amazingly enough they didn't even breath a word of where we were. The last night we were at motel he starts sending creepy msgs saying he wants to see me and hold me doesn't want to argue anymore and says to meet him at an exact described spot of the motel. I told him he knew nothing and then he said he was almost at the motels name he didn't drive all that way for nothing to go outside and talk to him I freaked and rang police. He was constantly texting me but when the police showed up it completely stopped he later confessed he was there and smuggly said that he watched the police drive straight past him sitting i n the motel grounds and then he left and went home. I heard nothing more from him that night. It was really late police advised I go into any station next day to report and get an avo. The next day I knew he knew where we were so I left with the children extremely early and headed 40 kms the complete opposite direction so he couldn't intimidate me on the road or outside of police station. I got to said police station went to the counter with the kids and asked if I could make a report and try to get an avo and I also told her I wanted to show and explain what kurt is like with Xavier and I wanted her to give my then 10 it old son advice wether it was safe to go back to dad's house. Because by the time we got to the police station they were getting very agitated and anxious to go home. 2 of the children I had have pretty bad behavioural issues.( 1 phone conversation he had with them he told them they were going back to him on monday without discussing with me first). I tried to talk to her but she didn't really care she ended up taking us into an interview room only when my 3 yr old got bored and started to climb stairs he shouldnt. When we were in that room she didn't care for what I was saying she was only really listening to what the children were blurting out about things from yrs ago and writing that down. She ended up cutting me short and said we were running out of time what did I want her to do. I explained yet again and she replied you haven't really given me anything to go off and showed is the door. She walked with us out to my car and while I was on the other side strapping the 3 yr old into his car seat she approached Xavier on the other side and told him it was ok to go back to dad's house but if kurt hurts him again to ring the police straight away and walked back into the station. I was very upset because I also had the ex constantly texting and ringing abusing me and demanding I hand back the children. As I got into the car my 7yr old reached over and punched me in the back of the skull and demanded I take him to his dad's with very aggressive swear words and at that point I also had my 10 yr old yelling and abusing me that im a bad mother for keeping him away from his dad exactly how my ex speaks to me. At that stage I felt so dead and empty. It felt like all hope was lost. My ex that destroyed me for 10 yrs still had everything work in his false sense of power and completely destroy me. I was so distraught I couldn't stop crying I could barely breath. I think I might of even had a panic attack which hurt even more because my children witnessed me in this hopeless state. I ended up going and buying them dinner and dropping them.off out the front of his house watching.them walk directly inside with their dinner in that process my ex he enough time to walk out and try to have conversation with me as If we were all roses I told him I didn't want to speak to him but he still tried to. He had his hands resting on my window asked him to move he refused so I drove off. The next day have screenshots of his facebook stays sent to me where he tells everybody I dropped the children off in the middle of the night because I can't handle them anymore and I don't want them because I'm too drug f#$%ed now and puts me down as mother and a human being by literally telling complete lies. Then the next time he allowed me to have phone contact with our eldest son he actually asked me quite upset aswell why I don't want him and why don't I love him anymore? I tried so hard to explain to him that it's not true at all and I asked him why he asked me those questions and he said that that's what dad told him and what he keeps telling everybody on the phone. And yes I have reached to domestic violence advocates finally about 2 months ago but they have hardly helped either they keep contacting me by phone and asking me numerous questions about our relationship and my ex something about risk factors. But very single time they do it I'm always red flagged as high risk. And my file gets put into an agenda for a fortnightly meeting with FACS DPOH police officers more dv advocates plus carries place reps and they all discuss what there departments could do to help me. The only thing I have gained so far from those meetings is an appointment this week to show me how to apply for houses which I'm already doing. I am quite literally a victim screaming out for help finally but nobody wants to. I do wish he would leave me alone but it's now at the point where I don't care if anyone helps me I just want my children to get the help they need. Where does one person go for the law to be enforced and to be recognized as a human being when said person has been crying out for help for 4 months to the exact departments that are actually ment to listen to you and enforce the law??? We live in a very very sad world these days!
 

Tremaine

Well-Known Member
5 February 2019
183
31
514
You don’t have to go through police to get an AVO. You can file a private application for an AVO directly with the Court. I would suggest starting there.

When police charged your ex with assault for hitting you with a cricket bat, was he convicted? Was an AVO issued then?
 

Samantha Wormleaton

Active Member
29 July 2019
11
0
31
Yes he was convicted he got an 18 month suspended jail sentence. And there was an avo enforced. I don't think it's current anymore. As this all happened right before our second eldest turned 1 he isb7 now. It's very frustrating as no one listens which I think he is aware of now and I think he actually is having fun in doing what he is doing.
 

Samantha Wormleaton

Active Member
29 July 2019
11
0
31
Also because of my involvement with carries place. They advised me to see their lawyer to start processing for criminal compensation. Which he found out about and he had a debate with me telling me that if I could go for it he can for the times i told him to crash his car and die. Omits the abuse before hand. What sets me off. Can he actually charge for this