NSW De Facto Step-Parent's Access to Children After Separation?

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ladyleonine

Active Member
21 March 2018
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Hello,

First time posting here, I'm sure it won't be the last...

I have recently left my de facto partner of 7 years. I have two young children (11 and 8), not biologically his, from a previous relationship.

Since separating, I have tried to maintain a relationship between him and the children, but every time I have arranged for him to spend time with them, he spends the entire time interrogating them about me (if I have a new man, when I will return to him, etc), making false promises, crying/ranting in a disturbing way, and berating/ interrogating/ intimidating me in front of them.

The children and I find this very distressing and I don't feel it's appropriate for him to discuss me or our separation with or in front of the children.

I feel that he is using the children to gain access to/ discover information about me and is not actually interested in seeing them or concerned for their emotional well-being.

His excuse for his inappropriate behaviour is that he is emotionally unstable/ not coping/ overwhelmed/ mentally distressed by the separation and just "wants us back", etc.

Based on his behaviour, I am now reluctant to arrange visits or agree to him spending more time with the children until he is in a better frame of mind and able to act more appropriately around them. My counsellor and solicitor have advised me that this is fair and reasonable on my part. My Family Dispute Resolution mediator said that as he isn't their biological parent, we don't have to enter into a parenting plan/ agreement.

I have been advised that he does not have parental access rights, however his solicitor has written two threatening letters about my "refusal to allow him to spend time with the children" (which is not true, to date) and "using the children as weapons against him" .

Now I have heard that because he may be considered a "significant person in the children's lives" he may be able to take me to family court to fight for access and or custody rights. Is this true?
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Where is biological dad?

Look yes, family law protects the children's rights to continue having a meaningful relationship with anyone who has been a part of their life in a meaningful way... So grandparents, step-parents...

If he took it to court it is possible a court would order access time... How much? Impossible to say from here.
 

King Neptune

Well-Known Member
9 January 2017
20
1
129
To answer your question - yes, he most certainly can apply for access on the basis of being a significant person in the kids lives. If you do a search for step-parents (or similar) in the family court case histories you'll see there's many successful precedents for similar circumstances.

If the separation is recent then maybe it's not a surprise things are a bit raw. Doesn't excuse the poor parenting behaviour though. If you're at least semi-amicable then I'd perhaps call him out on it and how it's affecting the kids (in a diplomatic way) and minimise any in person interaction you have for now. Withholding access and communicating through the lawyers will likely quickly inflame things and cost you a packet.

And since when did a counsellor (who's heard half the story) become legally qualified to advise whats fair and reasonable?
 

ladyleonine

Active Member
21 March 2018
9
0
31
where is biological dad?
Look yes, family law protects the children's rights to continue having a meaningful relationship with anyone who has been a part of their life in a meaningful way... So grand parents, step- parents...
If he took it to court it is possible a court would order access time... How much? impossible to say from here

Bio dad lives a few hours away and hates my ex, doesn't want him to see the children at all...
 

ladyleonine

Active Member
21 March 2018
9
0
31
To answer your question - yes, he most certainly can apply for access on the basis of being a significant person in the kids lives. If you do a search for step-parents (or similar) in the family court case histories you'll see there's many successful precedents for similar circumstances.

If the separation is recent then maybe it's not a surprise things are a bit raw. Doesn't excuse the poor parenting behaviour though. If you're at least semi-amicable then I'd perhaps call him out on it and how it's affecting the kids (in a diplomatic way) and minimise any in person interaction you have for now. Withholding access and communicating through the lawyers will likely quickly inflame things and cost you a packet.

And since when did a counsellor (who's heard half the story) become legally qualified to advise whats fair and reasonable?

Thanks will look at some case law...

I'm not withholding access and don't want to prevent the kids having a meaningful relationship with my ex, but he is acting so inappropriately that I'm concerned for their well-being, until he's in a better frame of mind.

The things he is saying and doing are causing emotionale damage according to our counselor
 
Last edited by a moderator:

ladyleonine

Active Member
21 March 2018
9
0
31
Oops hit post too early!

Counselor's advice related more to the impact on the kids and trying to minimise harm to them, as they are distressed by his behaviour. Solicitor was the one who said I was being fair under the law. Hope that clarifies.

Ex has now escalated to stalking and harassing, and tried to take kids from school yesterday without my consent, so I'm looking at an ADVO.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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So, is bio dad still seeing the kids?

Technically, yes, your ex can file for parenting orders, but if you and bio-dad are on the same team and don't think the kids should see former step-dad, the Court is going to be very hesitant to make orders accordingly.

Without orders right now, though, you don't have to facilitate the kids spending time with him.
 

ladyleonine

Active Member
21 March 2018
9
0
31
So, is bio dad still seeing the kids?

Technically, yes, your ex can file for parenting orders, but if you and bio-dad are on the same team and don't think the kids should see former step-dad, the Court is going to be very hesitant to make orders accordingly.

Without orders right now, though, you don't have to facilitate the kids spending time with him.

Yes bio dad sees the kids, although not too regularly as he lives 5 hours away. I'm pretty confident he does not want the ex to spend time with the kids. They have feuded for years and I'm also concerned that bio dad will give the kids a hard time about seeing the ex.

We are going to FDR/ mediation but the mediator wasn't too sure about step parental rights so I'm feeling a bit confused about it all...
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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684
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Okay.

I'm a step-parent. I'm also a bit savvy with family law.

The first thing you should understand is that no adult - parent, step-parent, grandparent, John Doe from up the road - has rights in regards to a child. Only children have rights, which are to know, spend time, and communicate with both parents and other people significant to their care, welfare and development, on a regular basis, insofar as their best interests can be met.

There's a bit of heirarchy about who the Court considers important when determining whether a person is significant to a child's care, welfare or development - biological parents first, biological relations second, psychological relations third, all others thereafter.

So, let's say step-dad applies for parenting orders. The first thing he has to do is convince the Court that he is, indeed, a person concerned with their care, welfare and development.

If he passes that threshold, the next one he needs to prove is that it's in the best interests of the children for the Court to make the parenting orders he wants.

That's where he's going to struggle.

If dad is still involved, it's unlikely step-dad will be considered their 'psychological' parent (which is usually the only reason the Court makes orders in favour of a step-parent's time with a child), so the kids' time with him is going to be significantly less important than the kids' time with their parents.

On top of that, if both parents agree that it's not in the children's best interests for step-dad to be spending time with the kids, it's pretty unlikely the Court is going to against what both parents want for the kids. If it was one parent saying yes, and the other saying no, that would be a different story, but since neither of you want the kids seeing him, the Court is going to put a lot of weight on that.

But hopefully step-dad will get some legal advice that tells him clearly what his prospects actually are if he were to follow this through to Court.
 

ladyleonine

Active Member
21 March 2018
9
0
31
Okay.

I'm a step-parent. I'm also a bit savvy with family law.

The first thing you should understand is that no adult - parent, step-parent, grandparent, John Doe from up the road - has rights in regards to a child. Only children have rights, which are to know, spend time, and communicate with both parents and other people significant to their care, welfare and development, on a regular basis, insofar as their best interests can be met.

There's a bit of heirarchy about who the Court considers important when determining whether a person is significant to a child's care, welfare or development - biological parents first, biological relations second, psychological relations third, all others thereafter.

So, let's say step-dad applies for parenting orders. The first thing he has to do is convince the Court that he is, indeed, a person concerned with their care, welfare and development.

If he passes that threshold, the next one he needs to prove is that it's in the best interests of the children for the Court to make the parenting orders he wants.

That's where he's going to struggle.

If dad is still involved, it's unlikely step-dad will be considered their 'psychological' parent (which is usually the only reason the Court makes orders in favour of a step-parent's time with a child), so the kids' time with him is going to be significantly less important than the kids' time with their parents.

On top of that, if both parents agree that it's not in the children's best interests for step-dad to be spending time with the kids, it's pretty unlikely the Court is going to against what both parents want for the kids. If it was one parent saying yes, and the other saying no, that would be a different story, but since neither of you want the kids seeing him, the Court is going to put a lot of weight on that.

But hopefully step-dad will get some legal advice that tells him clearly what his prospects actually are if he were to follow this through to Court.

Thanks so much.

It's not so much that I don't want the kids to see step dad at all, but he's been acting really unhinged and I think he's doing the kids more harm than good right now.

I'm a bit perplexed at the aggro letters from his solicitor as you'd think she should know what his prospects are? but I guess she can only go by whatever story he's telling her.

Anyway since my OP his behaviour has further escalated to the point of me considering an ADVO.