VIC Reporting Sexual Assault and Making a Formal Complaint Later?

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Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
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414
Hi,

Let me go straight to the point. There was a history of sexual assault done to me by my soon-to-be ex. I want the crime to be punished eventually but not immediately. My question is, if I go to the police and make a report instead of a formal complaint about this past sexual assault, can I turn it into a formal complaint in the future?

Here’s more details about my case:

I’m getting a divorce from an abusive relationship. Within this relationship there are history of sexual assault issue, family violence issue, child abuse and neglect issue, all from my soon-to-be ex. They are the cause of a marriage break down.

I have solid evidence of all those but I have not yet gone to the police to report anything, because at the time, if I did, then she’d get deported from the country and I didn’t want our child to grow up without a mother. Maybe this was my mistake.

And there’s also false allegations of family violence and IVO issue from my soon-to-be ex to me, which I am contesting, with my lawyer and my evidence, of course.

My doubt is on should I or should I not report the sexual assault incident.

I was advised to focus on custody of children and don’t let the sexual assault allegation sidetrack what’s more important. So I report everything else but the sexual assault. Of course the sexual assault must be dealt with because the offence still impacts me, but they advised me to dealt with it later in the future after the child custody is decided.

Hence I asked question above, if I go to the police with all my evidence in the near future to report everything, can I make formal complaint on everything else but make a police report on sexual assault alone, only to make it a formal complaint in future? Or I should leave the sexual assault unreported at all for now?

Thanks
 

Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
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69
2,289
There is no statute of limitations on reporting sexual assault.

Who advised you not to make an issue of it? The mediators? You have to remember their goal is towards what is best for the child - not you and they make no secret of this fact. Their primary goal will be to get the best possible co-parenting relationship arranged for the child and they are pretty much only interested in allegations that relate to the welfare of the child.

So your sexual assault allegation falls outside their zone of operation - being a matter for police, but can potentially greatly disrupt the more ideal co-parenting arrangements and make their job harder - boo hoo... but still, obviously what is best for the child is still very important.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
5,152
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if a crime was commited you can report it... The police are not going to agree to put the thing on ice and to act on it when it suits you. I have to tell you that to hold off on reporting the crime until it suits you, kinda looks a bit like you're wanting to wait until the accusations have maximum effect on the family law issues.
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
There is no statute of limitations on reporting sexual assault.

Who advised you not to make an issue of it? The mediators? You have to remember their goal is towards what is best for the child NOT YOU and they make no secret of this fact. Their primary goal will be to get the best possible co-parenting relationship arranged for the child and they are pretty much only interested in allegations that relate to the welfare of the child. So your sexual assault allegation falls outside their zone of operation - being a matter for police, but can potentially greatly disrupt the more ideal co-parenting arrangements and make their job harder - boo hoo... but still, obviously what is best for the child is still very important.
Thanks again Clancy for responding my post.
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
Hi sammy01,

A 1800Respect Counsellor gave me the above advice. My priority is our child indeed. If it’s best for the child, even it means that I have to cope with the sexual assault trauma for life, I will do it.

You may noticed that that are false allegations of family violence and a IVO application against me. From this I know that my soon to be ex is trying so viciously to isolate me from the child. I feel that I’m forced to reveal all the truth to the police as of who’s the true abuser and who are the true victims, as a defence. My concern is if I reveal too many allegations, even with evidence to back them up, it might either hurt my child custody case or it might be too much and child’s mother will be out of child’s picture completely.


From the bottom of my heart I want our child to be able to freely spend time with either parent, provided that it is safe for him. I don’t want to get the mother out of his picture, but child’s mother definitely needs help in her mental health. And of course I don’t want myself to be isolated from the child by tactics of my soon to be ex. I’m in a difficult situation.
 
Last edited:

Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
973
69
2,289
Hi sammy01,

A 1800Respect Counsellor gave me the above advice. My priority is our child indeed. If it’s best for the child, even it means that I have to cope with the sexual assault trauma for life, I will do it.

You may noticed that that are false allegations of family violence and a IVO application against me. From this I know that my soon to be ex is trying so viciously to isolate me from the child. I feel that I’m forced to reveal all the truth to the police as of who’s the true abuser and who are the true victims, as a defense. My concern is if I reveal too many allegations, even with evidence to back them up, it might either hurt my child custody case or it might be too much and child’s mother will be out of child’s picture completely.


From the bottom of my heart I want our child to be able to freely spend time with either parent, provided that it is safe for him. I don’t want to get the mother out of his picture, but child’s mother definitely needs help in her mental health. And of course I don’t want myself to be isolated from the child by tactics of my soon to be ex. I’m in a difficult situation.

Oh, sorry i was under the impression you were the mother!
Now i understand why your allegation was taken lightly. We all like to think we are in a society of equality, but ..... You may have noticed the recent government advertisement campaign on tv about preventing domestic violence to women? Is there any part in that ad that mentions preventing domestic violence against men? No.

What else i can tell you is that you cannot control what the ex does, and if you really cannot get along then you can do what they call 'parallel parenting'.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Forgive me, but why have you assumed the mother would be deported based on your evidence? Are you versed in criminal law?
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
Forgive me, but why have you assumed the mother would be deported based on your evidence? Are you versed in criminal law?
Hi AllForHer

Because at the time those sexual assault and family violence as well as the child abuse happened, my spouse was under my sponsorship to get Australian permanent residency. Anyone of the above report would potentially get her PR application rejected and she’d have to leave. If that make sense to you.

She said she wanted to leave and take the child as soon as her PR was approved and next thing she did is throwing an IVO application against me which I’m contesting.
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
Oh, sorry i was under the impression you were the mother!
Now i understand why your allegation was taken lightly. We all like to think we are in a society of equality, but ..... You may have noticed the recent government advertisement campaign on tv about preventing domestic violence to women? Is there any part in that ad that mentions preventing domestic violence against men? No.

What else i can tell you is that you cannot control what the ex does, and if you really cannot get along then you can do what they call 'parallel parenting'.
Thanks a lot Clancy, you and AllForHer and Sammy01 etc have been responding my posts and helped me quite a lot. I am in a lot clearer mind than I initially entered this forum because of people like you all. I am aware of the concept of ‘parell parenting’ and I think I will end up practicing exactly this.

I have talked with many people including Counsellors with psychology background that work for different organisations, they all think that there are strong traits of mental health issues on my soon to be ex. Most of them also encourage me to reveal all the truth to the police with evidence to back them up. That will unavoidable include the sexual assault because of how my evidences are.

I think I will go to the police and tell all instead of telling some and hiding some. I don’t know if it will end up hurting my custody case in the end but I think there’s no perfect solution anyway. If you have any more comments or suggestions please feel free to say.
 

Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
973
69
2,289
Thanks a lot Clancy, you and AllForHer and Sammy01 etc have been responding my posts and helped me quite a lot. I am in a lot clearer mind than I initially entered this forum because of people like you all. I am aware of the concept of ‘parell parenting’ and I think I will end up practicing exactly this.

I have talked with many people including Counsellors with psychology background that work for different organisations, they all think that there are strong traits of mental health issues on my soon to be ex. Most of them also encourage me to reveal all the truth to the police with evidence to back them up. That will unavoidable include the sexual assault because of how my evidences are.

I think I will go to the police and tell all instead of telling some and hiding some. I don’t know if it will end up hurting my custody case in the end but I think there’s no perfect solution anyway. If you have any more comments or suggestions please feel free to say.

The only other thing i can advise is for you to really think carefully about your motivations for everything you chose to do. It should not be tainted by sower grapes or revenge, or hate - don't deceive yourself, your goal is simply to support the best interest of yourself and your child and not add any negative on top unnecessarily. don't take this as me saying do not report, that is up to you to think about based on what you need to do to support the best interest of yourself and your child.

Good Luck