NSW Divorce - Presence of Father at Baby's Delivery?

If his presence during labour and birth is going to cause Anni distress due to reasons known to her and not to us, then I think she is doing the right thing by not wanting him there. Women should ideally feel safe and stress free during this period. Stress hormones slow labour down. She needs a positive environment to labour and birth healthy babies in.

Not being at the birth of the babies is not going to affect his relationship with them.

To each their own, of course - the child isn't a legal being yet, so dad has no say and mum can do whatever she wants.

I'm merely pointing out that this behaviour of excluding dad from the child's significant life events may harm the co-parenting relationship, and if that same behaviour of excluding dad continues beyond the birthing suite, it will harm the child, too.

Let's not pretend that one parent controlling the time and relationship between the other parent and child isn't the very reason parents end up in Court in the first place.

As the OP has not mentioned distress for reasons known to her But not to us... I think it reasonable to post based on the info provided.

OP - you and dad have a long road ahead. You're ability to raise this child well will be heavily dependent on how well you can find compromise. It would seem pretty reasonable to me that you discuss the planned labour day/night with the ex and find a suitable set of arrangements... From my experience the best arrangements around my kids is an arrangement where nobody wins but the kid.

AllForHer said:

To each their own, of course - the child isn't a legal being yet, so dad has no say and mum can do whatever she wants.

I'm merely pointing out that this behaviour of excluding dad from the child's significant life events may harm the co-parenting relationship, and if that same behaviour of excluding dad continues beyond the birthing suite, it will harm the child, too.

Let's not pretend that one parent controlling the time and relationship between the other parent and child isn't the very reason parents end up in Court in the first place.

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Hopefully once the babies are born, they will be able to co-parent successfully. Children usually change the dynamics of the relationship significantly. I know in my long term relationship with the father of my children, the first pregnancy was when our relationship dramatically changed for the worst with his controlling behaviour.

Hello Anni,

Firstly congratulations on your upcoming births, what a joyous occasion for you.

Secondly no one can tell you what to do in that birthing room and you need to be surrounded by people who will assist you physically as well as emotionally. If you are certain this is not the 'dad' in your case then make sure you have other support ok. Don't forget right now you are very emotional, the hormones going through your body will cause so many uncertainties - but at the end holding your dear twins should be the fantastic finish!

Let your dr/midwife know at your next appointment of your situation, they will certainly keep anyone out of the birthing room if you don't want them there. When you go back to the ward make sure the staff there know you do not wish for certain visitors and ensure they know the reasons. Whilst they can not stop someone from walking in to the hospital, they most certainly can keep your information (room no etc) private.

Assuming there are no complications then your babies should room-in with you, so him taking them from the nursery is very unlikely - especially if he is unknown to the staff there. If however you list him on your medical admission form or their birth certificate then that will be a different story. Point it, if you are truly certain you don't want him to see you whilst in labour or after then the hospital staff are able to assist you.

Do keep in mind that him seeing the girls in the day or so following their birth will allow him the chance to have a few photos of them and him together. These photos will create the memories that will be special to your girls as they become teenager/young adults. Knowing that their mum was mature enough to allow their dad to see them as fresh newborns might be the difference between your relationship with them over the years.

I am not saying you should or have to, but honestly think about how your girls will think in a few short years - they cant replace those early photos no matter how hard they want to. Also twins are double the work, it would honestly be best if you have a good support network set up now to help you care for them over the coming months. If dad is available to lend a hand, even if just for a couple of hours a few days a week, that will give you time to do the things you take for granted now....eg hot cup of tea/shower etc.

I know you are angry and upset at how life has unfolded, but do try to think from your daughters perspective on how they might feel once older.


As for court - if you withhold the babies for a reason that in your mind is enough to stop him being a father, then you might find the courts side with him. If there is no serious risk of abuse/neglect/violence etc from him towards the babies then once they get to a reasonable age the court will most likely start allocating him time on a stepped up basis with them.

Obviously whilst they are so young this won't happen as you will be their primary attachment figure however even if he was to go to court now and start the process it wouldn't surprise me if he would be given even a couple of hours once a week with them.... Remember it's not what is your rights or his rights... but what is your children rights and best interests.


Please do stay and ask questions, all of the regulars on here have an extremely good understanding of family law and will assist you, without emotion, as much as possible.

Best wishes for a fantastic birth!

Some things you need to know about what the Court considers.

Does it consider your opinion about your ex having a 'backward mentality' when determining the time the child spends with each parent? No.

What it considers is the best interests of the children, and one of the presumptions in family law is that it's in the best interests of the children to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. To compel the Court to interfere with that presumption, and indeed, legal right of the children, you're going to have to persuade the Court that he poses an unacceptable risk of harm through abuse, neglect or family violence. None of what you've said so far comes anywhere close to meeting that threshold.

As a matter of interest, parents determined that the other parent should have no relationship with their children despite there being no proof of risk, quite often end up losing custody all together, so your best angle here is to put your hurt feelings and criticisms aside and do what you can to retain an amicable relationship for the benefit of the kids.

Not having a relationship with their dad is going to cause your kids more harm than just being exposed to the father's 'backward mentality'. I don't think I've ever met a kid who said "I'm so glad that mum kept me away from my dad". Have you?

Hi Anni111,

Your post disgusts me, and you remind me of my ex, to start off with you don't deserve these twins. Here is a few pointers for a femistnazi like yourself.
1. Married 6 years, then in the final 9 months of the relationship, you decide to call it quits, and call him everything under the sun, yet you stayed with him for 6 years prior (this smells of a baby trap, exactly like my own situation)
2. I bet you were a real hoot to live with over the last 9 months as well with your wild mood swings, and your elitist attitude of "I'm pregnant, I can't help out around the house anymore".
3. The fact that you can lay inbed with this poor fellow, and carry his and your children to full term, but then want nothing to do with him, or him, have nothing to do with his own babies is absolutely deplorable. Yet the fact remains without him, you would be giving birth to NOTHING. Yet this shitful country and its shitful biased laws sides with the mothers, don't want him in the birthing suite no problem, want him to have nothing to do with his own kids because you're a bitter and twisted narcissist, fine as well, but eventually when it goes to court he will be given time with his kids, how much will depend on the judge.
4. Its also interesting to note that you call him "controlling" yet it is you who is doing the controlling (reread your own posts).
5. I bet you have the paperwork for child support already filled out as well, just to really stick it to him.
6. Why don't you really do the job on him and finish him off for good and have a DVO taken out on him, then all your problems will be solved, no access to kids, no access to hospital, no access to birthing suite... you win, you complete low life.

I seriously hope you end up with post natal depression whilst trying to raise two lovely babies, and he is in the shadows just waiting to take over.

Seriously pull your head in, and think of these two girls, and stop being so spiteful and driven by hate.