NT Claim after separation on rent paid before separation

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Sue h.

Member
11 October 2017
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I agreed to return $31, 000 in retained rental payments which the ex paid " on my behalf,for us, as a way of enforced saving for him". He earned 40% more than me. I deducted $20, 000 for "pain and suffering " incurred by me due to a sexual /vaginal infection he gave me when having sex outside of our relationship which i believed to be monogamous. I can't prove the source of the infection. After two years he had not responded to my offer. At 2.5 years he asked(through a solicitor ) for $24,000 as he had hardship issues. At this point he hes not responded to my reply. I can't move on with the threat of his potential claim exhisting and can't get a response from him. Can he continue to request money from me? (Out of time but claiming hardship).Can i obtain a binding financial agreement or court order without his participation.? Sue h.
 

Rob Legat - SBPL

Lawyer
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16 February 2017
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So you're deducting $20,000 for "pain and suffering" due to a vaginal infection which you suspect he caused? Is it possible this is more about hurt feelings than the infection?

In any case, if the money belongs to him and you'd previously agreed to return it then return it. What damage are you doing to yourself by holding on to the pain?
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Yup look, already there is a problem here... How did you decide that you should get $20 000 for 'pain and suffering' Did he agree? So you decided that is what your pain and suffering is worth? U'm that ain't exactly a legal approach that would hold water in family law..

So you agreed to return $31 000 But actually only returned $11 000? My thoughts you've done well. Why not move on and ignore any correspondence from him... IF he feels he has a legal claim against you he can lodge with the courts... Given 2 1/2 years have passed and assuming you've never been married Or you have been divorced for more than a year then the time for making a claim through court has expired.... So why not just move on with your life and forget about him, especially if there are no kids involved.
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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Have you actually returned any of the money that you said you would? Or have you just made an offer to do so, but have otherwise kept all of the money because he didn't respond?
 

Sue h.

Member
11 October 2017
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Have you actually returned any of the money that you said you would? Or have you just made an offer to do so, but have otherwise kept all of the money because he didn't respond?

Sue H reply: you are correct, I made the offer but received no response and so moved on. I have not returned money and cannot contact him as he is very secretive. The figure deducted for pain and suffering is an amount that seemed reasonable to me. I had no protection from his on-line sexual hookups which had been occurring for the duration of the relationship ( and discovered after the end of same) and without some sort of compensation claimable, it would seem that sexual affairs / hookups/ on line sex sessions can be taken as "ok" or even acceptable [ i believed I was in an exclusive relationship ].
 

Sue h.

Member
11 October 2017
4
0
1
Yup look, already there is a problem here... How did you decide that you should get $20 000 for 'pain and suffering' Did he agree? So you decided that is what your pain and suffering is worth? U'm that ain't exactly a legal approach that would hold water in family law..

So you agreed to return $31 000 But actually only returned $11 000? My thoughts you've done well. Why not move on and ignore any correspondence from him... IF he feels he has a legal claim against you he can lodge with the courts... Given 2 1/2 years have passed and assuming you've never been married Or you have been divorced for more than a year then the time for making a claim through court has expired.... So why not just move on with your life and forget about him, especially if there are no kids involved.

Thanks Sammy01, for your reply, I agree with your response. The "pain and suffering " deduction was my solicitors suggestion, the amount was up to me. I was grateful that the outcome was not hepatitis or hiv, but still awful, and in his words: unforgivable.
I did move on. Two and a half years on - received a demand to respond to his solicitor within 7 days ( after no communication or response to my offer for over 1 year ) and I began to seek advice ( again ). He is employing the "hardship" device to allow leave to act "out of time" . I would like to give him the $11000 but he is incommunicado ( with me) . My solicitor calls it "piss-off money". I want nothing to do with him and have been waiting for some reply from him for 3 months. [ no kids or joint property]. Sue h
 

Sue h.

Member
11 October 2017
4
0
1
So you're deducting $20,000 for "pain and suffering" due to a vaginal infection which you suspect he caused? Is it possible this is more about hurt feelings than the infection?

In any case, if the money belongs to him and you'd previously agreed to return it then return it. What damage are you doing to yourself by holding on to the pain?
Thank you Rob Legat, I've more or less replied to your question through the responses below, and I believe your suggestion - it probably is more about betrayal, hurt feelings, lies and unacceptable risk. I live in the city with the highest rate of sti's in Australia. it was my solicitors' suggestion. After receiving no response to my offer to settle and after 2.5 yrs of being separated I was shocked to receive a demand to respond within 7 days to his request for $24,000 ( " a half-way suggestion" ).
Throughout our 6 year "exclusive" relationship, he earned almost double what I did, and he offered to pay more of the rent. Now wants "his money back" and I am on this forum to find out how other people have dealt with situations which might be similar.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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He is claiming hardship? Maybe this is a reasonable claim... After all you did take $30 000 that belonged to him.... Look family law is messy... BUT you have taken $30 000 that you agreed to give back and have not.... Isn't that theft?

Now as for pain and suffering, Why not google search "family law australia and pain and suffering"
The closest I could come up with is a website from a solicitor that includes images of the Flintstones...
My husband cheated on me. What are my options in Family Law?
Doesn't exactly inspire confidence... BUT even they don't agree with your assertion that you're entitled to money for 'pain and suffering'. So no magistrate is going to agree that you're entitled to that money which leads me back to my assertion that it was theft...
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Let's look at this fund as an asset in property settlement.

Provided a de facto relationship can be established, he's entitled to file for property settlement (with leave since it's out of time), and if he does, the Court will follow a four-step process to determine how the fund should be split.

1. What is the value of the shared asset pool?
2. What were the financial and non-financial contributions of each party?
3. What are the future needs of each party?
4. Is the settlement just and equitable?

While the Court can take elements such an abuse into account under some circumstances, the Court has never facilitated a property settlement that punishes one party for their conduct during the relationship. It's job is to divide the funds fairly on the facts, not to protect hurt feelings, so 'pain and suffering' is not going to support your effort to get a 65/35 settlement in your favour.

Your ex contributed nearly twice the financial input that what you did in the course of the relationship based on his earnings, correct? And you have no children and both already work, so future needs are fairly even, correct? You're probably looking at a settlement that is more like 65/35 in his favour because of his substantially larger financial contribution.

The 'piss off money' you should be offering is more like $20,000, not $11,000.